T minus 30, Longest Wednesday Yet

Thanks Doc, I’m confidant everything will go fine. I just get emotional and down when I’m sick because it’s when I miss my mom the most and feel like I would feel better if she was here, but she’s not and then I feel worse. That’s the real reason why I hate being sick, who’s going to make my tea? It’s just not the same and I tend to be a little all or nothing on that and tend to shut down and just want to alone.

So on to today, the first day in my birthday month (12/6) and the first day in a new month. And I started off well with cheerios and then I had a cookie in my mouth and this is after not working out last night. I’m not pleased with myself at all. I had 3 chocolate chip cookies and then a little honey mustard dressing with my salad. I dip my fork in the dressing instead of pouring it on the salad. I returned it when it came with those fresh buttery croutons and cheese. I felt like the devil was behind them adding that to my salad even though I ordered it without it. It would have been much easier to just eat it instead of going all the way back and exchanging it, should have checked before I left.

I got excited about my knee earlier because the toilets in the bathrooms at work require 2 flushes for everything and I usually do squats or something while I wait. I tested out a squat and I heard nothing and felt nothing. I was super jazzed thinking that I would buy new running shoes this weekend and go for a run. Then I stepped up on a curb and heard it. *sigh* Is this punishment for not running when I could? It’s just easier to eat right when I work out and I think my other knee is getting pissed at having to do more of the work. I have another doctor’s appointment tomorrow, a physical and I’m putting that on the top of my list of complaints. Yes, complaints against my body.

I’ll have to tally up my calorie damage later and come up with this month’s goals after my niece’s Brownie troop bazaar.

T minus 31, Tuesday Consult this

Dr Fit was right numerous means too many to count and we’re taking your gallbladder. I must say I’ve enjoyed all of the doctors and their staff that I’ve dealt with during this. They couldn’t be nicer, just wish it wasn’t expensive to get something done you don’t want done.

My cousin wanted to know why my sister wasn’t going with me and to I was honest, I only wanted to worry about me today. To say I’m not looking forward to this is an understatement. But I have time to come to terms with it, it’s just scary. And I do not like hospitals, good thing I most likely will not have to spend the night. I’m also I’m not in constant pain and it isn’t urgent, and that I have health insurance and an FSA to put my portion of the cost into.

When I left the office and got the info I needed I had to fight the urge to eat my emotions at the burger king, McDonald’s, taco bell and Popeye’s. I had my kasha meal, but I did break and broke hard. I ate my stress and anxiety in the form of 2 glazed donuts (it was the same cost if I just got one and sharing wasn’t an option after I took a bite of the second one and a tall eggnog latte (I’ve stopped getting a grande) oh and 2 snicker minis, I just wanted to have chocolate coat my mouth. If it were possible to have fried chocolate that’s what I would have had (if fried chocolate is possible DO NOT tell me about it). I knew what I was doing and didn’t/couldn’t stop myself. Now I’m really full drinking water and feeling sluggish. But I have my gym clothes and will put this food in the journal because I’m being accountable and I can’t hide from it.

On a fitness note, I am really enjoying yoga, I’m not that limber, but I always feel good and relaxed after. I like it at the end of a good cardio session.

RRPAF: Random Ramblings Post About Feelings

I don’t like apple pie, I’ve tried, it’s a no go on cooked fruit especially in pie form; awesome one less dessert to be destroyed by me. And I can only describe my feeling towards him as that slice of apple pie I want. There is no reason for it; I cannot make sense of it at all. I know the argument about the heart/feelings not being rational, but come on! It goes against everything I thought I knew about myself, so much so that I’ve told no one that knows him or would ever know him, you guys and my cousin who knows all my secrets. This is hard because sometimes I get an urge to just talk about him, so this is my outlet and here goes.
Do you think he likes me? I wonder what he’s doing. Should I call him? Or text him? I’d poke him on facebook, but that will get real dirty real fast. Why isn’t he trying to get with this, doesn’t he know how awesome I am? Because I’m awesome, I’d be an awesome as hell girlfriend…or needier than either of us is comfortable with. Oh, just so we’re clear, he has done nothing wrong or broken my heart and he does know I exist. LOL I’m glad I got all of that out. And I will close this entry with my favorite “Girl, forget him” poem.

Heart, we will forget him!

Heart, we will forget him!
You an I, tonight!
You may forget the warmth he gave,
I will forget the light.

When you have done, pray tell me
That I my thoughts may dim;
Haste! lest while you're lagging.
I may remember him!
-Emily Dickinson

T minus 32, Monday

Just another manic Monday, sing it with me.

Woke up with 12 minutes to get out the door, decided today I would be dropping my niece off at school because we are not making the bus. I am hopeful and pack a gym bag. I don’t think LA Boxing is where I should be, but there’s an elliptical with my name on it and a yoga mat that needs to be broken in some more.

I also recorded my food and that also tells me that I need to take my butt to the gym; I need to burn these extra calories and fast. I use to be on the elliptical every day for at least 30 minutes and it would give me a tangible number, not a guestimate. I pray for pain free knees. While in the bathroom, I did I squat and it sounds better, not 100%, but I figure the elliptical would be easy on my knees and if not, I’ll be blasting the guns and abs.

UPDATE:
33 calories away from goal, but I'm sure i made that up in Yoga.

T minus 33 Sunday

I woke up early again, no use in getting use to sleeping in until my life of leisure is confirmed by my marriage to an ultra wealthy man whose greatest joy is my happiness. A while back my friends and I signed up for Living Social deal, 4 Yoga sessions and a spa treatment. And they expire soon, so today was the first day of our yoga classes. It was different than the Yoga classes I’ve been to before, she read passages from a book. I enjoyed it nevertheless, but I was lusting after the gym and the equipment. It was the fancy kind of place with robes, towels and toiletries for your use, in case you forgot something, not just that green soap that’s also shampoo and conditioner and body wash. Next time I’m going to see about going early to get in some time on those fancy machines and stay late and use everything they put out, twice. Maybe just stay long in the steam room.

After we stretch and centered ourselves we when out for brunch and this is when I completely lost my ever loving mind. I ordered, and I hand to God I saw nothing wrong with this, stuffed pancakes. Stuffed with what? Bacon. Bacon stuffed fluffy made by God’s grandma pancakes with syrup. They were delicious; I regret nothing, except the nap it induced and the weight it’s added to me.

I got home and had a list of things to do, but the couch called to me and I answered, “Yes, dear I will spend the afternoon with you, but just for a little while, I have so much to do.” Cut to 4 hours later and I’m waking up and its dark out and I’m just motivated enough to have more sides over white rice and carry myself up to bed.

T minus 34 Saturday

Right now as I reflect on Saturday I think the only thing I recall is that I loved all of the sides and pie a little too much. I was supposed to have family over, but they never came and then I was suppose to go out, but I washed my hair instead and then went all out on the girlie stuff. Cracked open a bottle of wine, deep conditioned my hair, Mary Kayed my face with the microderm abrasion set (I’m a “beauty consultant”) and satin handed my hands and feet and then did a full body scrub. I’ve never been softer or with less skin before in my life and it felt wonderful.

I also watched Leap Year. Sweet Jesus! I blame that movie for what happened to the wine. Now I’m all for a good Rom Com (Love Actually season is upon us), but even for me it was a bit much. I’ve also recently seen When in Rome and I think that was worse because there was no Irish accent to tickle my ears.

All in all I sexfoliated myself and was a bump on a log with rollers and wine and it was good.

T Minus 35, Black Friday

And waited some more. 4am was not early enough as there were people who were there on Wednesday, one of whom were BEHIND me in line, he stopped to get a cart before finding the computer line, I figured I would figure a way. So I get in the store and am ushered to another line, a slow moving line. I have my ad I know what I’m getting I’m ready. By hour 2 I’m annoyed with the people in front of me. It was an interchanging family, which I didn’t believe, but they all dropped out so it was like they didn’t exist. And then there was the older guy who kept leering at the younger girl of the interchanging family and he seemed to be the hall monitor. We were in the isles people were shopping, not trying to cut in front of you.

Around 2.5 hours I remember that iPhone has Netflix watch it now and I decide to revisit She-Ra and sat on the floor and nodded off every oncve in a while. Then we got to the spilt, left to TVs right to computers, more sitting, more waiting more of the hall monitor calling the staff on voucher sellers. Those little urchins were up early. Hour 3 I go back to music and make a seat out of a display. Hour 3.5 I sit on the bottom shelf and I’m amazed that I fit, can hug my knees and can get up.

Magical moment, I get to the head of the line, I see where I tell the employee what I want and they give it to me and send me to check out, sweet lord yes, no additional line to stand in I’m over the moon, until the line enforcer tells us they are out of Toshibas. What the fuck you mean you’re out of Toshibas? I don’t remember life not in this line, but I know my purpose was to get this Toshiba, Jonathan. I said that on the inside, but told him I was furious and I may or may not knock something over and start an uprising. I quickly scanned the ad and found the better model for 50 more and asked if they had that and they did and that is what I got so I spent a little more than I intended, but got a good laptop for it, which is still in the box.

I got home around 10 after an unbelievably quick stop at Wal-Mart and took a nap before I meet up with a friend for lunch. It turned out to be her birthday and it turned into a walk through a mall and trying on ridiculous clothes and we patted ourselves on the back for not losing it and not crying. Well, we cried a little when we saw that Hilary Duff wrote a book and read the jacket.

Still full from the Pho I was in bed by 7 and asleep shortly thereafter.

T minus 36, Thursday Thanksgiving

I woke up around 9 to an empty house. My sister and niece made last minute (10 pm) plans to go elsewhere for Thanksgiving. Now before you go feeling sorry for me, don’t. I know the holidays are about family and I did see family, but I felt lighter moving about my day. I cooked all of the thanksgiving food, without someone over my shoulder giving helpful tips or just in the way. I played the music I wanted at the volume I wanted. It was nice and peaceful. I kept to my schedule and hit all my stops, Grandma, Uncle, Aunt, Aunt, Nephew, and other Nephew and was at my friend’s house by 9 with more than enough time to hang out.

My eating was not bad; I really just like the sides and the future sandwiches. Since I cooked I was full from the tasting. I only had one real meal and I didn’t pile my plate up, just what fit got on the plate. I was still sad about not doing the race, but there will be other races and I’d rather have a good knee than a bad knee.

I did go over board with the candy. Around midnight I decided that I was going to stay up to go to Best Buy’s Black Friday and I was riding a sugar high when got into line and I put on my head phones and waited and then waited.

T minus 37

My knee is better and I’m really considering doing the turkey trot, even if I walk most of it I think I should be fine, right? I'm just not comfortable with not doing this, but I want to listen to my body. I’ll have to put my knee on the list of things to talk about at my physical on the 2nd. So far eating has been less than stellar, my department ordered breakfast since we’re here and it’s the day before a national holiday. So many comments to be made, but I enjoy have 2 days off and seeing family I haven’t seen in a while and not getting small pox.

I know my tone hasn't been the perkiest, but I have not given up the good fight. I'm still in it, just not whole heartily at the moment. I've takem a few hits is all. But I'm coming back with giving away my fat jeans because they slide off without unbuttoning and my pink coat swallows me.

UPDATE:

Seems as though I will not be running tomorrow or walking. In all the excitement of doing the race I failed to actually sign up for the race. I'm a weird mix of relieved and dissapointed. I will just think that someone is watching out for me, making sure I don't screw myself up anymore...there's a 12/31 afternoon 5K.

T minus 38, Tuesday

Work was super stressful and I ate my feelings a little bit. And all I wanted to do was workout and sweat out the stress, but was scared to mess with knee, is there any good non knee using cardio? And I had a lot to do and a long lunch wouldn’t have helped matters.

T minus 39, Monday

First things first, I haven’t had any gallbladder pain in about a week, besides a few pangs every now and again, nothing that lasted more than 5 minutes, YAY! Second, my knee feels wrong, but a different wrong. There’s a popping sound, it doesn’t hurt, but I’m aware of my knee. Does this mean the Turkey trot is off? I was looking forward to this one, my first solo run. I already have my frame ready for my number. I don’t want to punk out, but I don’t want to mess up my knee anymore than it is. BOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

T minus 40, Sunday

What’s that sound? Do you hear it? I hear it when I walk up steps or do a squat, don’t you hear that? Ugh.

T minus 41, Saturday

All I wanted was to go to kickboxing and then run a few errand including a trip to old navy to get some new work out t-shirts because mine are now funk heat activated and too big. I wake up in enough time to miss the work out, but that’s okay I can work out later. I’m so lazy and sore from jump squats and Segway that I text my sister Kim who lives with me and who was probably feet away asking if she wanted in and after some strong coffee we were off with the understanding that this would last a few hours. We would be home around 3 because it was 10:30…we got home at 8pm! Does shopping count as cardio? It’s got to the way I do it. I found more stuff for my sister and niece, but I got my 5 dollar work out shirts and a book. In all fairness to the time thing, we did go to super Wal-Mart and get Thanksgiving Day food. What a calorie trap that’s going to be. But I have my turkey trot.

T minus 42

I no longer scream in pain when using my body! Awesome, but still not going back for more torture. Today is one my best friend’s birthday. Happy Birthday Celine! Our other two friends are out of town for a wedding, but I had already called dibbs and strongly suggested they surprised her with a birthday dinner since they weren’t going to be around. But tonight is my night to surprise her and make her dream come true, a segway tour of DC. Granted we lived there for years I think she just wanted to ride the segway so we rode the segways for three hours! Yes, a three hour tour. At first I was not at all comfortable it, much live roller skating but after awhile I got the hang of it and it was fun, but then there was like another 2 hours left and it was cold. We had that guy in the group that wanted to go fast and zoom around. It would have been fine if he didn’t insist on cutting everyone off. Dear Sal, if there are 10 people behind you crossing the street and you get to the sidewalk, don’t stop right there two feet from the curb, move your ass back as half of the group isn’t in the street, we shouldn’t have to ask you that, thank you. Sorry I was holding that in. Around hour 2 I discover if we had to vote someone off everyone would have voted him off. “Sal the Segway Tour has spoke, please dismount your segway and walk back to the office, no no keep the helmet on.” It was really cold and zipping around the city did not help with the wind chill factor. We warmed up in the bathroom at the Lincoln Memorial, how you ask, under the hand dryers!




We finished up the tour with some taunting from the locals of course and I was never so glad to get off of anything before in my life. Then we headed to a Mexican dinner at Rosa Mexicana. Celine likes Mexican food, but her husband does not, just Taco Bell which is neither Mexican nor food, so we figured we’d treat her to some top of the line Mexican food. By we I mean me and Susie, she joined the festivities. The food was better than I thought it would be and the portions were appropriate sized, not 10 dollars for a serving platter full of fried cheese covered food.

T minus 43

I cannot use the toilet without bracing myself on the sink and window sill, I took the day off from the gym. From my calves to my gluts was sore and I was lulled to sleep by the sweet smell and calming tingle of icy hot.

T Minus 44 Wednesday

So sore, but I must solider on. It seems they’re all about the jumping jacks this week and I am not. At least my undergarments are, the ladies are strapped down. Oh and jump squats, I keep hearing they’re the best cardio you can do and I just have to say, at least they aren’t lunges.

and then T minus 45 Tuesday

Had a good workout at LA Boxing, seriously considering paying for some PT, I’m just scared of it and it’s expensive, maybe I’ll buy 1 session and see what happens. We had to do burpees and my instructor mocked my push up in the middle, I don’t blame him, they aren’t good at all, but hey there was a time I couldn’t do either part of those things. Then we had to walk the length of the gym, maybe 20-30 steps with 2 heavy weights. It was like one of the last episodes of any weight loss show, this is the weigh you’ve lost now walk with it. I didn’t cry or anything because I was concentrating on not dropping them on my foot and beating the other girl in the class. Yes I am a little competitive. My eating’s been good, but I need to record everything if I’m going to really get back on track. And get a food scale for the office.

I seem to be more sporadic these days; I've started a few posts and then nothing. Like this one:

Thursday and Friday I just wasn’t feeling up to much, but did watch my food, then I woke up Saturday and it was sunny and opened my shades and promptly felt better and feel back asleep. Then I was lazy and caught up on some tivo on the couch snuggled in my down comforter just long enough to watch some crime drama, CSI and Bones. It was a little afternoon and I had a strange feeling. It was more of a craving and I thought I knew what it was, but ignored my first thought because I considered it crazy and outlandish and as I was getting dress to take my niece to a birthday party I realized I was dressing for the gym. My craving was a work out, just crazy. I dropped Jazzy (Jasmine) off and went to the gym and had a good time.
I jumped rope for the length of American Boy by Estelle to warm up then got on the treadmill. I paced it at 4.7 because I thought maybe I could do a 5k. When I got to 1.5 miles I decided to pause the machine and do some pushups and crunches. I looked up and the lady on the elliptical kind of gave me that approving head nod of my choice. Then I hoped back on. I was planning my next interlude when I decided on planks, front and sides at mile 2. Well, apparently I took too long and my session timed out. I have no idea how many calories were burned and I freaked out a bit, but I let it go. I felt good, my knees didn’t feel funny and I decided some more ab work and a good stretch were in order.
I weighed myself and I came in at 223! Not the 228 the doctor’s office said I weighed, but who do I believe?

Photos!

I was asked for photos and I think everyone has finally posted their photos to Facebook so here goes.

Let's start back in the beginning when I was just heavy. This one is from March on this year. It was my friend's birthday and it was raining, that's what's on my glasses.


This is from a going away party late last year, I love that dress. I still have it even though it doesn't really fit.



This one is almost a year exactly because here we are surprising a friend on her birthday which is 11/19. I also like how I was bold with my animal print lol



I'm including this one because I really like what my hair is doing here




This is from when I did the fat smash and exercised maybe 3 times a week. It was New Years Eve 2008 to 2009, I think...if you remember you weren't there, but this is when I was smaller before I gained the weight plus some back (see above photos).





Now for some recent photos.


This is a special one for me. This is my first ever strapless dress and Jessica Simpson's clip in bangs. This was the bachelorette party that was at the hotel with the fancy gym equipment I couldn't work right.



This one is from later in the evening and I'm going to share a little secret, that jacket is kind of tight on the boobs, but I love it so.








These 2 are from the wedding ceremony. Normally I don't like ruffles on my chest because they are an attraction on their own, but I just liked this dress. I bought it in the size I'm use to buying my clothes in, 20 and had to have it taken in to around a 16.









These are from the reception, the outside one is getting ready to go and the vampy bathroom shot is me leaving (in a cab) after enjoying the open bar's Marker's Mark.

Thanks guys!

I'm less freaked out about my gallstones and I am happy to know what's causing the pain. I have a follow up surgical consult on the 30th, it's the earliest and to be honest I'm not really in a rush to get the ball rolling on this. Although, it would be nice not to have that weird ache in my side and perhaps I'm not lactose in tolerant.

Thinking back to when this first started happening is when I was taking a full course load at NVCC (Northern Virginia Community College) and working full time. I would get home 4 nights a week too late to eat a real meal so I usually had cereal and ended up losing a bit of weight, enough to close my fingers around my wrist. And that was more than 3 years ago. I wonder if they can tell, like some kind of cholesterol dating as opposed to carbon dating.

The good news is that I have insurance and there's some funky math, but if I understand it correctly I'm covered up to the first 7500 for any medical attention and this is the first I'm going to the doctor this year. (I was cleared to exercise late last year). The surgical doctor has a billing department on site do I'll have more answers then.

Funny thing about the phone call, besides the fact that I made the appointment for the sonogram while still in exam room, but waited HOURS to even call the referral. But the lady that took my call was super sweet and half Dominican as well. Needless to say I think I made a friend because Dominican women love our hair salons and we're not a huge community here in the Northern Virginia area, not like in NYC. So we bonded over hair salons and food. She is the first person outside of NYC to know what I when I talk about cuchifritos which are the most wonderfully thing from my childhood in NYC. It's deep fried pork with plantains (plantanos, twice fried green bananas) and my dad would squeeze lime juice all over it. Sweet lord what I wouldn't give for a plat of that...and for it to magically be healthy.

I will keep you posted

This club sucks - T minus 51

Scene: Open to a dimly lit exam room, the ultra sound has already been performed, the patient has already been pleasantly surprised by the warm jelly lube the technician used. The door opens…

Soft spoken Technician: “Congratulations! You belong to I have gallstones club”
Me: “Ughhhhh! I’m angry and relieved at the same time”

So I have gallstones, I’m following in Dr Fit's footsteps. Any pointers doc?

I’m not going to lie I’m a bit freaked out because I’ve had these pains for a while, I remember my mom comforting me because of this pain, but we thought it was just gas. Then we figured I’m probably just lactose intolerant. What if I’m not even lactose intolerant? Ugh. I don’t want surgery? How much is surgery? This is going to seriously mess with my workout schedule. I’ve already gained more weight than I’m comfortable with. *sigh* I will have to see who my referral is and follow up with them.

How many is “numerous” because that’s how many stones I have. I’m feeling better today, I barely notice the pain so I will get to sleep tonight, YAY! And I think until I’m told I have to be operated on I will not freak myself out about it and return to my workouts and make that follow up appointment and get some numbers on how much this will cost.

PS
I stress ate my way through “numerous” snacks.

You again? T minus 52

So I woke up this morning with a familiar pang in my stomach. I had hoped it would go away but it lasted throughout the whole day and got worse when I tried to eat lunch. I was going to wait until my annual exam to discuss it, but my friends pointed out that this happened before and thinking back it has been a bit more frequent and the duration of each episode have been longer. So I went on WebMD and shortly thereafter I called my doctor’s office and made an appointment for that evening.

I got one for 4:15; I didn’t see my doctor until after 5:30, but whatever. I started to feel silly in that over an hour time I had waiting, what if I’m just not careful enough with dairy and I was just gassy. How embarrassing would that be? “Ma’am you seem to be gassy, please take this, but not near people.”

My doctor although busy, is awesome and we chatted, she asked some questions and then had her nurse take my blood, I was able to talk her into going straight for the back of the hand with a butterfly needle. I think I can name the needle I should be able to have it used. My veins roll and I’ve had some bad experiences that left me looking like a heroine addict. I asked about pain meds because I’ve had this pain before and I knew I would not be able to sleep tonight and I was already tired. But I got never got the call and even called the pharmacy to see if anything was called in and they just forgot to call me.




I have a 10am appointment with a radiologist to get an ultrasound on my abdomen. I’ll keep you posted.

So I finally took it to the streets, T minus 56 - 53

I was not terrible this weekend, but I was not good either. I slept in because it felt right, now my rooms a mess and I’ll be making my breakfast in the morning.

So it’s Monday and thinks went fine for a while. Then as I’m rallying for a evening of working out, Boxing, a mile run and yoga. I made excuses when I ate the pecans and then when I ate the cheese and then came time to change and I then I did it again, I made the excuse that I couldn’t work out because I didn’t have any socks. Now in my defense my feet sweat and I can’t handle the thought let alone the feeling of working out in sneakers with no socks, so I went home. On the way home, I got in trouble with myself for the excuse making, so I decided that I would get socks and workout and then I decided that I need to be taught a lesson. I need to learn that I can’t get away eating poorly and not working and giving such lame excuses. I have no socks!?! That’s the best I could? I bought a whole gym outfit once because I left my clothes. So for punishment for my lazy crimes against my progress I had to run…outside…around the whole block. The block is really huge; it encompasses 4 or 5 developments. It’s a total of 1.83 miles all the way around which I ran (with some walking, uphill) in 24:12.

One good thing about daylight savings is that it’s dark, but not late so people don’t are around, but can’t see the entire jiggle. I enjoyed running and watching my shadow slightly ahead of me. At times I had a nice rhythm going and my mind did clear, but then I my calf would tighten too much or I’d need to breathe better and get taken out of the zone. I’m just excited that I finally took it to the streets and ran outside. It wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be, because the end of it was slightly down hill. The only issue I had or have is my breathing. I managed to sharply breathe in very cold air, so now my throat hurts, but it’s a good hurt. After my run I hightailed it over to the gym for yoga. Yoga helps because part of my overall goal is to be more flexible. I’m a long way off from the splits, but yoga is such a nice way to end a work out and the day.

Thoughts for the day, T minus 58, 57

So roller skating still isn’t yet for me and that’s a huge part of roller derby. I’m just scared of it and old because I said the following.
1. The music is too loud.
2. Who is this?
3. They’re skating too fast.
So maybe I’ll put some skates on one day, but not right now.

Works been crazy and I’ve let that be the reason I haven’t made it to the gym except for Monday and Tuesday. Am I tired and working until 8pm? Sure but I could have done something even if it just burn 100 calories. I could have also eaten better, but damnit people I not strong against the mini left over Halloween candy. Those poor discarded candy that didn’t make the trick or treat cut, my eating them was a humanitarian effort…yeah, I figured if I was going to bullshit it should be really good.

I start off strong, egg beaters with spinach and mushrooms on a double fiber whole wheat English muffin. Then I’m no the slippery slop that’s greased with stress and a little sleepiness for good measure. I get a cup of coffee, with splenda and some creamer, flavored creamer, 1, 2 or 3.

I think something that didn’t help was not blogging or not reading my blogs. I started catching up on my favorites and I feel like I’ve missed out on my best friends lives and there was also a twinge, a pang of jealousy at the progress my ladies have been making with me. I also wanted to be back in that club. Funny that’s the thing I missed most, my blog group.

I need to recommit to this, to me and make new goals. It’s almost a month to my birthday and I will not be able to lose 25 pounds by then, so. What shall my new goal be? What it is every month Pinky, to be 219 or less. *sigh*

But I don’t want to ignore the progress I’ve made thus far. For one thing I’m a size 14/16, I’ve maybe once gotten down to a 16/18. And holy rusted metal ground, Batman! I run now!

I’m tired and will probably reread this post and edit/delete it. So good night all

T minus 59, will I make a dream come true?

At the wedding reception I meet a very interesting and nice lady. She belongs to a Roller Derby league and invited me to stop by and check it out. I’m not sure if I mention my last time on roller skates but the party ended when I was looking up at the ceiling, flat on my back. But since then I had seen Whip It and watching it I had this feeling of “I want in”. I’ve only ever really gotten that feeling when I saw a couple salsa dancing with ease and sexuality, but then I remember how poorly my prior experience went and how even in my younger days I wasn’t a great skater. The breaking always seemed counter intuitive so to stop I would slow down and WHOMP! slam into the side wall by the exit. So graceful, I know. But I’m thinking that I’m probably going to fall a lot more in life and why not fall doing something I could really enjoy and be good at. And yes the part I really responded to was the clotheslining and hitting part, but I’ve always had a “contact sport” streak in me. I hope to get out of work at a decent hour to go check that out.

As for that workout that is to be followed up with running a mile, I did it! Mikey had use do a circuit of stations again. First were sit ups, my back has gotten stronger so these didn’t hurt as much as soon. Then there was something new, The Speed Skater. This exercises made me feel terribly uncoordinated and jiggly in the thigh area, but it worked the inner and outer thighs.




Next up were the beloved burpees, which apparently he’s added the push up to. Side note, before my hiatus when ever we had to do push ups I did the first 5 real woman style, on my toes. The most consecutive pushup I did was 10. So when you’re in the pushup position is when you do it.




Then there was the “bench jump”, which is just jumping onto a weightlifting bench. Now my vertical isn’t that high, but my clumsiness in a gym setting is so I did step ups, Mikey came over to correct my form, I was stepping up into a squat position, but in order to get out of that exercise what he intended I had to stand all the way up and squeeze the glutes, why did I say “Got, I’m lock the ass...LOCKED”? I guess I’m just getting comfortable; at least he got the reference, at the very least the joke and laughed.

Next was the horizontal pull up, we had done this before and I think I did a total of 5, but during one round I did 20! I would love to do a pull up so I can earn my badass badge, but this is what it looks like.





Then a 30 second break and we did it all over again. There’s this one guy that’s become a regular and then me and then oddly enough always 2 ladies that don’t know each other, but never the same 2 ladies. We ended with burpees and the guy and I both agreed that we could throw up a little, but it was a good workout. Then I went to fancy gym for my mile run, a weigh in and a shower.




Now I’m off to see if I have what it takes to be a roller derby girl. As for names, I was thinking Chestee La Rue or Babycakes

T minus 60? Goodness where did the time go?

Okay so I weighed myself after taking what feels like years off from the gym and I’ve gained the Wedding 2.5. I’m back to 225. I can’t even be mad at those same 2.5 pounds; we’ve gotten so close over the past few months lol. Monday night (last night) that old feeling came back. You know the one, where you look over at your gym bag and curse it’s completeness because had it been incomplete you would have had an out. Then think of the wonderful world of laziness that does not include a workout, but includes tv and a couch and either bad food or bad portions. Mmmmmmm House and chips, yeah baby. Then my favorite big brother’s (I’ve only got the one older brother, the other one is younger) voice pops out of nowhere “they say when you don’t want to go to the gym is when you should go to the gym”. Rat Bastard I yell and shake my fist to the sky while I grab my bag and go change. Once I have on the workout gear, I have to work out, I don’t have stylish workout clothes (those cost money) so I can’t just hangout in them.

I get to my dear old LA Boxing and take the Boxing class. It seems like forever since I’ve seen Mikey and Lonnie and I missed those sadomachistic guys with their random playlist. Somewhere in the middle of the boxing class I decide that I should run after my workouts and I should make it at least a mile because I need to keep the cardio up and my endurance. So clearly at his point in the class I’m delirious, sweaty and not thinking clearly. The class ends and I get that itch and I head over to my other gym (I know, but I like having a gym that offers other classes and steam rooms) and the delirium takes a stronger hold on me. I decided to run until the 8pm yoga class because I need a good stretching. Hand to God that’s what my crazy behind thought and did! Long story short, since I did not go home I went hard.

I like Yoga despite my inability to do all the moves like the instructor and my head has yet to reach or touch anything not put to it. I have gotten more flexible which is exciting, in a perverted way of course. I head to the locker room for the dreaded first time in forever weigh in and the locker room is full and I’m in my drench workout clothes and I try to weigh myself, but refuse to accept the numbers I was told right then and decided that a mulligan was in order and I’d redo this after my workout on Tuesday. I was already on the right track with another workout planned and I knew that I was getting back into the routine. Then I went home had a healthy dinner and ate Halloween candy. I know, I;m weak, but seriously why didn’t more trick or treaters come? Why didn’t I dump that candy off at work? Why didn’t I just go to bed?

And thus ended my first day back. I felt so guilty about not posting that I didn’t allow myself to read other posts, so tonight I’m catching up and commenting! I will see if I can find any pictures of me from the wedding. I'm not the best at taking my own picture.

Why I hate halloween

This is at my coworker's desk, my evil co worker's desk

I am not dead

I am not dead, but apologetic for my absence. I’ve not giving up on life and resigned myself to the couch eating bagfuls of bulk chocolate candy, although at times it seem like a really fun activity. I have been less strict with my food, but still active. I’m still enjoying kickboxing and I’ve started running again. I think I get off on people witnessing my badassness, explains the blog.

We had C’s bachelorette’s party at the National Harbor. It was tame calm, but fun. There was tons of laughter and just a good time was had by allWe saw Cirque Du Soleil’s Ovo. Oh to be that flexible and then we had a steak dinner (I split a prime rib with a friend). We called it an early night and the next morning I decided to go see about this fancy hotel’s gym.

While the machines were state of the art they were not the easiest to work. Apparently it limited my speed to 4.7 based on my age perhaps, but it was frustrating to run at 4.7 while listening to Beyonce, I wanted to run to the music not this painfully slow speed, but after a bit I resigned myself to the speed and just kept going, with a visit from my roommates who were outside the gym smoking. And I realized as a stream of sweat snuck into my eyes burning and monetarily blinding me, that I had come a long way and I ended up running 3.2 miles (a little over 5K) in 25:56.





It’s just so much easier to run on a treadmill. I still haven’t taken it to the streets, but I do want to sign up for another race on Halloween morning. I think I’ll do this one alone and see how hard I can push myself. I’m sure I won’t get treadmill time, but hopefully it will be in the 40s, as long as it’s not in the 50s I’ll be happy.

Then came the wedding…

First thing’s first, the C, the Bride looked gorgeous, her mom mad her dress and there were many a touching moments. I found a cute dress that I had to have taken in before the wedding. There were a few people that I hadn’t seen in over a year and I was a surprise to them. The attention is lovely and awkward at the same time, while I’m flatter all I can think is wow, I must have been really really huge because I’m still a big girl. But I digress… the morning of the rehearsal we all milled about and I decided what better time to run than at 10am on a beach board walk. My roommate A came along, but when we hit the boardwalk informed me that she didn’t want to run in her shoes and her knee hurt and I was disappointed felt held back. After 5 minutes I decided that I would run a block and just wait for her which turned into running every other block and then running back to walk with her. I did break a sweat, but it wasn’t much. When we got back to the hotel I decided to check out their gym which was 3 sad machines that worked, sort of. The treadmill had a jerky movement that only went away when you ran, but it being VA Beach I doubted anyone really went to the hotel gym.

Then came the getting ready and the dress didn’t fit there was a good inch and a half between the zipper in the back…but my dress fit perfectly. That was my roommates dress, she some how swelled up. I remember trying to keep my voice controlled and even as to not alarm her until we just couldn’t get the dress on her. We fought that thing onto and I’m still amazed it got on her, she told me later that she had a back up dress, but that it meant a lot to her to wear that dress to the wedding and I felt bad because there was a moment when I was relived it wasn’t me that couldn’t fit into my dress. My dress was fitted and I accepted the help of the Spanx gladly. I have a thin friend who says she sees spanx as cheating and while I can see her point I told her it must be nice to believe that. It smoothed out some misplaced curves.


This part contains not nice things and anger…

The thing about weddings is that it reunited friends from all over which is usually a good thing unless one of them betrayed you and made you feel silly for trusting them in the first place and then irrational for realizing the relationship was worth holding on to, sometimes a person can run out of forgivingness. Now I have hurt feeling and harsh words and try to hold my tongue. When I was asked what I thought when I saw her I could only respond “Nothing nice.” But I wanted to say so many things like:
It’s a nice dress too bad it can’t minimize her shoulders
It’s comforting some things don’t change, like her lumbering linebacker walk in heels.

Did I get to wear my wow dress? No, that bloodly thing still wont fit. Did I look better than her, I think so. Do I feel like I got my revenge? A little, but she left early which was fine because it freed me up to have a good time on the dance floor.


Now on to the reception….

The Bride C was just as stunning if not more so on the evening of the reception (a day after the VA Beach ceremony in Rosslyn). The space they got for the evening had an amazing view and they had the best food I’ve ever had at a wedding, but how do you not please with fillet mignon and lobster.

On to me. I wore the dress I wore at the last wedding I went to and it was a little loser, but fit just as well. My sister who took the picture said I was liable to go home with someone, but seeing how I had meet all of the Grooms friend I thought it was highly unlikely seeing how if nothing had happen yet, the wedding wasn’t going to change anything. Besides I’m looking for something a bit more real than a random wedding reception one night stand.

I got pants...that fit! - T minus 87

I went shopping during lunch, why yes it was Khol’s one day sale that I went to. I wore the same black pants Monday and Tuesday, not because I did the walk of shame, but because those are the only pants I have. The pants I was just wearing were no longer acceptable. I had to get new pants. While I could fit the 14s I felt better getting the 16s, I mean these are for work. I am brazen today, I’m wearing my new size 14 jeans. Only pants I have that fit me and I was in no mood for pantyhose trying on this morning. So I have 3 pairs of work pants and a few tops. I want to go home and pack away my old pants and say goodbye to them forever, but I know I need to get myself to the gym.

It was strange walking through the store in the not plus size section. I probably could have gotten some of the misses XL tops, but I didn’t love any of the top enough to spend money on them. I don’t think I’ve ever been this “small” before. I don’t ever remember not shopping in the plus size section or Lane Bryant. It’s a bit overwhelming, I just have to not somehow sabotage myself because it is a change, granted a good change, but a change nonetheless.

Well, folks, it’s that time of day again, the point of no return, time to change for the gym so I can keep on the good foot and smaller sizes.

T minus 88 - Tuesday

Oh what a day Tuesday was. For starters it wasn't Wednesday and I was greeted by craziness on the work front and personal front. I spent hours tracking down a package that was delivered to the person it was suppose to go to, but it wasn't in their hand it was in their inbox. So many theories as to how that happened, but I stop caring when I realized it the search had eaten up so much of my time and I couldn't get away to work out. While I was tracking this hand delivered package (it’s harder this way) I had apparently hurt a K's feeling. I was in no mood for girlie sensitivity especially when it wasn't an oversight it was a lack of someone checking their voicemail/email. Luckily C handle it for me because I was not in the mind frame to coddle, which is not my nature to begin with and I knew that's what was needed, as well as overlooking the word "consult".

So dinner went fine, feelings were less hurt and the food was good. I didn't eat the rice, they don't have brown, but there were some fried items that passed my lips and I love it. A little too much.

So to sum up, food, not great and exercise was nonexistent. I thought I would walk from Georgetown to the Metro, but it was cold and I was ready to be done with my day.

T minus 89

I'm blogging because for the last hour I've been thinking about going straight home and just calling it a night. I've been out of the office all day and I have work that will keep me busy until well past the 7:45 class, but I know I just need to rally. I've had entirely too much random un recorded junk to even think I can get out of this day without moving my body and I still owe Miss H a weigh in. The good news is the class is kickboxing which we haven't had in a while and with my favorite teacher, Mikey. I know I’m going to be fine once I get in there and I’ll enjoy myself and wonder why I’m being such a baby right now.

So without further hesitation I'm going to change for class and just do it!

Maybe no more corn for a while - T Minus 90

Thank you all for the comments, still in shock about the size 14 jeans, it's almost unreal. For dinner on Sunday I had some corn and chicken and around 1am I woke up in a world of hurt. This is the second time this has happened and I've decided it was the corn. I was up until most of the night with law & Order occasionally keeping my attention while I tried to drown my pain with the pink stuff and Maalox. I finally got some sleep, for the whole day - not at all productive :( My co worker mentioned how we're not really suppose to eat corn and I've heard this before, but never really thought it applied to me, but now it does. I hate to say it, but I will probably do it again next year when it's 12 for a dollar at the store, maybe I'll take some beano first. I just love fresh corn and I'm hard headed.

So food wasn't great and no activity besides the hanging up and sorting of clothes I did around midnight because I was up from sleeping all day. I did try on the dresses and they fit a little better, but still need some pounds to come off and I think the cut of one might make it hard to wear, even though it says it's a 16, I think I might have to be a 12 to wear that dress. Go figure and that's why it's important to try on clothes and not get hung up on the sizes, it's the cut!

Hay's for horses Denise - T Minus 91

Oh what plans I had for today, my days was laid out beautifully, things were going to get done, oh, yes, yes they were. So I wake up at 9:32 for my 9:30 class. I can't go to the noon class because my 8 year old niece knows that's when we are going to get me a jacket and then to the fair and then to the toy store because she saved up her birthday money and has already picked out the toy she's going to get. Not a problem I can get to the gym later on and just do some elliptical and weights. We did so much, went to Burlington coat factory and found nothing, went to Ross, found some cute things, I got a dress that I’m going to get altered. It was weird, I’m so use to grabbing 20s, I had to keep reminding myself to go to the 16s. I know this is my size because everything I liked was not in that size, much like when I was an 18 and a 20. We then made our way to the County fair, which had a free hayride. I had never been on a hayride and I’m sure there are others that are better but I just felt so bad for the horses, if it wasn’t for my allergy to them and the hay (still not sure why I went on that ride given those facts) and my fear of them (last time I was close to a horse, it had crud in it’s eye and took a swing at me with it’s head – not cool Mr. Ed, you scared me for life) I would have hugged it, thanked it and set it free, free to run and roam the Fairfax county government center. There were more stops and we got back from everything at 9:48 and I was in no mood to be out of doors anymore. My feet hurt and I'm tired and hungry and all the other excuses we use.

Silver lining: My jeans looked horrid on me and I've been convinced it's because they've stretch out from me wearing them. As luck would have it (I planned it that way, it was near the place we went to look for a new washer dryer combos, shhh!)We were by an Old Navy and they had jeans for 19 bucks, so I went in to get a sturdier pair and grabbed a 14, you know for shits and giggles, I just wanted to see if I was close to fitting in them. And holy hell ya'll, those motherfuckers fit me! I am still in a bit of disbelief that I got those things one me. I was going to quit as soon as they touched my thighs because I just immediately thought "oh, they won't fit" but I kept going. I was so excited, I got 2 pairs and I can't wait to wear them! Amazing size 14 jeans fit, but my size 16 dress still won't zip all the way up. Maybe it's time for another try...

Sunday I will do the boxing class and run after before going to the farmers market. I want my new jeans to be baggy and saggy soon.

T Minus 92 - UGH!

This post is for Friday, I didn't realize I was a day behind.

The day started off, not great. I was still feeling icky from the tummy pain so I had tea and crackers for breakfast (it was the meal of maybe the towel person, not the champions, wasn't even the towel person for the team the champions were on). That settled things and I ended up having my breakfast for lunch. I packed more snacks this day and I ate less of it, I find I do this everytime I over pack. It's like if I have them, I'm less hungry, but if I feel like I have too less I eat it all, you know because that's all the food I have in the world and that's all I'll ever had.

I did make it to the 6:30 boxing class and he burned our shoulders up. I felt off and sluggish, but I did what I could and wished I could do more.

And now it kind of goes down hill. We had pizza for dinner, I had the thin crust with veggies, but I feel I should have had a salad with chicken breast, but I was weak and I had some, but according to my calorie counter, i was within my limit of calories 1463 for the day.

Not all Workouts are created to drench you in Sweat - T Minus 93

Honestly, last night when I realized I've worked out for a week straight, i thought that I would take a day off. But the more I thought about it the less appealing it sounded. Now I did want to give my body a "rest", but I still wanted to do something. So my super cool pro working out boss thought it was a great idea when I said I was thinking about taking an early lunch to go to a Pilates class. He actually commended me on evening going out because it's just rainy and icky out. Now I've done a Pilates class before and it hurt and not much has changed, it very much so works that core with every movement, but I wasn't drench in sweat. If I wanted to I could work out again in that outfit, but only if I'm done with everything by 4:30 is that even possibly feasible. Which is why I went to a 10:30 class.

NSV - I bought this rain/trench coat from Old Navy years ago and it never quite fit, at best i could button it, but I couldn't drive in it. It's big, it swallows me :) This weekend I will have my own fashion montage to see what fits and what goes in the clothing swap bin.

UPDATE:

Last night was my sister's birthday and I swore I wasn't going to have cake...I had cake and since it was ice cream cake and I'm lactose intolerant, I am regretting my decision in more ways than one. I'm not a complete moron, I did take some lactaid pills, but they did not work. That's what I get.

It's on my mind

I think one of the reasons I've taking a shine to this weight loss blogging is based on that WW quote (it might not be WW but that's where I first heard it) "Your skinny friends don't understand and you fat friends don't want to hear about it". After my workout I was excited that I was finally getting "flexi" and I was about to send a text to a few friends and I stopped. Some of them can do the splits and some started out with me, but haven't progressed as much as they wanted to. And I didn't want to rub it in, I just wanted to share, but it somehow felt inappropriate. But here, well here I can tell you guys anything, like the first time I realized I was smaller was in the shower because the water ran down my lady parts differently and by lady parts I mean vagina.

Thanks for letting me share,
SJB

I'm just rambling because I'm tired - T minus 94

I'm feeling a bit drained. I want nothing to do with this evening’s festivities at LA Boxing, I think it's boxing tonight. Last night was kickboxing with Danny, I've never had him before and oh look, I will have him again tonight. Nice guy, he's compact, but looks like all muscle. While we were doing our training during the core moves my back was not pleased, need to get on those supermans. I did do some on the machine when I went to fancy gym after I ran for 16 minutes. My time was lower because I stopped a few times. My body is sore and my calves felt like that were going to explode and that would be bad. Am I rambling, I feel like I'm rambling.

Just in case I’ll start a new paragraph. So I ran after kickboxing last night because that's how I get down. I think next week I'm going to try to run outside, I'm sure there's an app for that. My eating has been good, although I broke down and had 11 blue corn tortillas and salsa from Jason's deli and let me tell you. It was good. I bought more celery with me today and more food, but it seems I didn't finish anything or touch the grapes. There's always tomorrow. Tonight will make it one complete week of moving this body of mine and it feels good, although tomorrow I might skip because it's my sister's birthday and I doubt she wants to eat dinner at 10. Maybe I can convince my boss to let me take my lunch early so I can check out this 10:30 Pilates class at fancy gym. there are options, i will squeeze something in tomorrow, no reason to jump off the train.

I'm off, wish me strength in my back!


UPDATE:
I went I did it and two things:
1. Sometimes the trainer has us run laps, I generally get lapped, but tonight was the first time, I passed someone!
2. I am getting more flexible! I was touching the hell out of my toes tonight!

My NSV - T Minus 95

Thanks to Dr Fit to Fat, I now know what NSV means. I have 2 for the day. Then is off to another evening with the night crew at LA Boxing.

My mom got me this braclette years ago when she was alive and I liked it, but never worn it because I couldn't wear it, but its on now! It's a terribly blurry picute i know, but you see it.



The other NSV is yesterday I wore a shirt I hadn't worn snice the first time I wore it. It was tigh across my tire/muffin top and the buttons pulled. I wore eventhough I remember saying, I'll just suck it in all night and I should be fine. (no dear, breathing was hard, you were not fine.) So I put it on and it fits. Half way through the day my co worker commented, "I guess that's another shirt you won't get to wear again." I think I can still wear it, but it was smock like and was intended to be fitted to the body. Take a look.




This is a bit of extra material. I've actually put off trying on some of my favorite tops because I'm afirad I've missed my oppurtunity to fit them again. So my clothing swap bin (I'm going to organize a clothing swap in Novemener in the hopes of finding some good deals, it'll be in Northern Virginia, so let me know if you want in) is full and my closet looks bare. Anyway, it's getting close to class time and I have to wrap my hands. I would love nothing more than to go home and curl up and watch a good new crime drama, but I'm already dressed and have a headband on. LET'S DO THIS!



You can see my tire, goodness I will be ever so happy to say good bye to that!

T Minus 96 - I say good bye to you

In the last 100 days of 2010 I say good bye to gracefully getting in and out of a car. To lowering and raising myself off of the toilet without bracing myself on the sink. Goodbye being able to walk normally after being seated for more than a minute. Good bye to always having full use of my arms and goodbye to laughing without pain in my core. All of these good byes are so that I can say hello to 1XX, hello to not the Plus Sized section of a store, hello to not having to locate my section by the underwear (you know that's where we are, next to the cute frilly bras we can't wear because they don't go past a 40DD, guys if that was what the world was really like, you'd all convert to leg men, just saying). Hello to fitting into dresses I've bought a size (or 2) smaller than my current size.

This past week I said to myself, wow, I haven't done any deadman rows in a while, I think I'll do a couple to see if I've gotten better. Well, guess what we did in class tonight? (That's right I sucked it up and went to the 7:45 class) Deadman rows, 1 push up burpees and power squats. I want to be mad at the power squats with weights, but I've seen my upper back thighs and the runner's in front of me, so yeah, I'm just going to remember that when the pain takes over my body. I also did a weigh check in, 224.2. Better. :)

15 in 15

This is my frist blog challenge! I absolutly want to lose 15 pounds in 15 weeks, I'd like to lose more, but every pound lost is a win.

A Nice Rainy Sunday – T minus 97

All I wanted was to have this nice rainy Sunday so that it would be okay to sleep in. It was and I did and then around 9am I started thinking about that 10:30 boxing class. I like the instructor and his music selection. But I could do my own little workout, maybe some deadman rows, some jump rope, I could stay in bed a little while longer and run through some drills on my own. I had this conversation for about 30 minutes, plotting out the workout and everything I had that I would use and happy with the routine I thought up I rolled over and closed my eyes for like 2 seconds and then reluctantly jumped up showered and got dressed for the 10:30 class.

Class was great, instructor was funny and calories were burned. Only problem were the sit ups, they were bothering my back more than usually, Teacher noticed and offered some good advice: Do some supermans. Why have I forgotten that? Does anyone else have any good advice/ideas for strengthening the lower back muscles?

Today is Sunday and that means, break out the scale, turn up the music, Mama’s in the kitchen doing stuff. I have cauliflower, green beans and corn to steam. There is also chicken breast to marinade and then put on the Forman. Fruit to wash and weight out into acceptable serving sizes. Oh and gym clothes to wash and get ready for the up coming week. Sunday just got a little less fun, but productive.

Runner# 424 in the Step Away From Cancer 5K – T minus 98

First thing’s first, I wasn’t last. My race partner, C took one for our team and let me have the glory of not coming in last. Things could have gone better. We arrived late, we ended up parking further away than we thought and started the race 13 minutes late, but couldn’t check in with our trackers because they already set it to record finishing times. Um, who finishes a 5K in less than 15 minutes? (If it’s possible, please don’t tell me). So that was very disappointing. It is much harder to run for real than to run on a treadmill. C told me I could go ahead and to not let me hold her up. But I couldn’t because, despite the rough patch we hit, we were and will always be friends and friends don’t leave friends to suffer through a 5K alone. During the second half I was getting antsy and started to push her a little more to run and she did, but her hip started to bother her and I am not returning anyone’s finance broken, so we took an easy, but she pushed herself and we made it by the hour mark (minus 13 minutes) I’ve come to accept my time to be 47 minutes and her 47.5.

I’m glad we had that time together, would have loved for A to join us, but there was something with her registration and I don’t think she really wanted to do it. It involved running and waking up early on a Saturday. And I’m ok with that, I think she just didn’t want to be left out of the bonding because you do bond, even if it’s a walk and talk with a friend.

When the race was over (when we finished) there was a ceremony with a raffle and bananas and water and Subway sandwiches. I was slightly surprised how I dropped my turkey sandwich when I found out they had veggie. Could I be gearing up for a life as a vegetarian? No, I like steak too much for that. We ate our food and decided to walk to the WWII memorial since we were downtown and how often do we get to do this?

It was a lovely memorial and that’s when I realized I had no camera and my blog entry would suck a bit, so for that I’m sorry. My eating could have been better; I did not really keep track of the eating.

I’ve also already found my next 5K; it’s on Thanksgiving up the street from my house! What was really funny about this day was that I was going to try to make it to a kickboxing class after and be really bad ass and to see if I could do it. Well, my badass feel alseep hard after i ate and was done with the outside and ready to make nice with my icy hot.

A duce and a quarter – T minus 99

So, I’m loving having my homemade egg mcmuffins. A quarter cup egg whites with a 1 tablespoon of chopped sautéed (in Pam) mixed in, I put it in a round metal cookie cutter. 1 double fiber honey wheat English muffin and the spread is the laughing cheese light swiss, way better than mayo. That’s how I start my day and I have my snacks of fruit, although next week I will try mix it up with some celery sticks and cucumbers.

I think I’m getting back to awesome me. I woke up this morning thinking, what am I going to wear to the gym today, god I hope I have clean gym clothes. This afternoon there was boxing with Lonnie. He’s the guy I’ve seen training with the weight vest, crazy, just crazy. So he had us warm up with jump ropes. There’s something embarrassing and humbling about not being able to jump rope, the concept is easy peasy, the execution not so much. What hurts more than the sting of that plastic cord that snaps on your sweaty body part is the memory of not being able to jump double dutch because you couldn’t turn because you were double handed. If only I wasn’t double handed I would be so much better at this rope jumping.

The drills are really what I love hate. I shall do my best to describe this fantastical torture adventure I went on while people ordered Wendy’s and ate it in their cars outside my gym. Seriously, every time I park it’s next to someone eating Wendy’s alone in their car. It makes me sad and jealous, but more sad because I’ve been there. Okay so this drill. Suicides with 4 stations, your home is 1, so you run to 2 then 1 then 3 then 1 then 4 then back to one and that was consider 1 completion and we did that for an eternity. The next drill, we start off with 15 pushups then the suicides and that was 1 completion. The next one replaced the pushups with 5 points which is a burpee with a pushup and the next one replaced the 5 points with power squats with weights. At this point I have hated Lonnie more times than I’ve done completions, but also noted that this is one hell of a work out. So the last set is where it’s just a you want me to do what now moment. Start at home, run to 2, do 10 pushups (yay that’s 5 less than before!) run back to 1, run to 3, do 10 or 5 5 points (I got stupid after the second set of this, so forgive me) then run back to 1 then to 4 and do 10 power squats (yay, no weights, it really was like jumping for joy). The back of my shirt was soaked. And then we put on gloves and did some work on the heavy bag with spurts of mountain climbers, sit ups and pushups. Lonnie’s class might be the reason there’s a bit of definition in my shoulder. There’s going to be a fight night, but I’m pretty sure I have a birthday or wedding thing to go to.

Tomorrow’s the race and it seems that one friend is committed to doing it and the other, well, I’m not so sure. I was already told not to work out before the race, but I also want to work out everyday for the last 100 days of the year left.

T minus 100 9/23/10

Today was a good day. I resisted temptations and stay on plan with my eating. I think Sundays will be known as meal prep day. I seem to have forgotten how much easier it is to eat right when you have everything planned.

I went to Boxing for lunch today and we were put in the ring. At first I wanted no parts of it, but I trust my instructor and actually had a good time. But seriously, sweaty boys stink, they smell much better from afar on my TV LOL, but they were all great and patient with me and my soft hits. I almost can’t wait to do it again.

I have not been able to get out of my dinner tomorrow, but I have figured out that I can fill myself on veggies during lunch and for dinner, I will have Pho since I’m to have carbs before the race. A small bowl more than fills me and I will only be able to have a few wings. I’m really just going for the company and I will only have water and I will leave early, I do have that race.

I’m still unsure if my friends are joining me, I guess we’ll find out on Saturday. I’m hoping that afterwards I have enough time to get to the morning Kickboxing class, if not I’m sure there’s an afternoon one I can do. I’m also going to start looking for more races, I heard that most areas have on on thanksgiving and Christmas and let’s face it, who can’t use a run on turkey day?

As for these last 100 days of 2010 I think my goal will be to workout each day. I have some ground to make up and some pounds to drop.

One last note to my running readers; do you have any suggestions for my run on Saturday?

Ouch!

I just got my kick in the pants and it hurt! I think I’m done throwing this pitty party of one. Smaller Pants has just informed me that it is crunch time, it is go time! There are 100 days left in 2010 and I want to weight about 27 pounds less in 60 days. That’s right I gained five pounds. Umm, I don’t have time to sit on my ass and eat junk and feel bad about myself. For one, that’s just a crappy cycle that will get me right back to feeling bad about myself and eating crap. So I have 75 days from today do lose x amount of pounds and I will do it. I refuse to back slide any further. I will give myself that birthday present of being in Onesville damnit! *slapping myself jumping up and down* I’m ready to do this! Who’s with me?

UPDATE:
At the end of this post I checked out the schedule at my gyms (a girl with 2 gyms has no excuse) and there was a boxing class in 10 minutes, so I hauled ass to make it and I did, then I decided to double down and take the Body Pump class at the other gym. I was going to triple down, but I wasn’t into that Zumba instructor and if I left then I would have time to fix dinner and get some good food for the rest of the week. Which I did! I prepped and weighed my night away. I feel better and I will soon feel good. Now to cancel dinner plans for that Korean fried chicken place. Girls who gain 5 pounds don’t eat fried chicken.

It seems to be going around

There has been a theme with the weight loss blogs I read on a regular basis and myself. We all seem to have caught this bug of BLAH! Maybe it’s the change in the season that’s affecting us or something else, but we all seem to have it and have synched up. I have come to realize that I have been trying to eat my emotions instead of dealing with them. I feel I’m being forced into a situation that has me anxious, sad and really agitated. Like my chest hurts just thinking about having to go to this event because of this one person. And then it was the way it was handled that really pissed me off, that day I discovered the healing powers of whiskey. So I know I’m going to be the bigger person (oh the pun is totally intended). And there have been a couple of small things relating to it that just made me, well, it made me eat chips and dip and sit on my ass. Why that was my reaction I have no idea, I guess I was more hurt by it than I realized, but that’s what I did and I can only recognized, accept and move on. I’ve aired my grievances and concerns and at this point that bell can’t be unrung.

The moving on part is hard, I see moving on as moving period. I do miss my guys at LA Boxing and the crazy stuff they make me do, but I really don’t want to, I want to get under the covers and let the new fall lineup take over. I’m sorry to my new followers, I’m usually much better than this. I even tried new ways to keep it fun, I did those pages, but my hearts not in it and all I can do is say welcome and stick around I’m sure I’m going to wash this funk off. Maybe a good old kick in the pants in the form of a weigh in will do it.

Monday, I’m not in the mood, can we just cuddle?

I had a few posts saved from last week that have gone MIA. Last week was a busy one for me; I had 40 hours by Thursday, but so much more work to do. Needless to say my butt was in my office chair crunching numbers and not at the gym and my eating could have been better. I think I’m going to have to adjust my time for these busy times at work. How do you guys handle these weeks or days at a go where it seems like you’re not on the path you were on and there’s nothing you can do about it?

I wish I could write I had an awesome weekend and went to the gym both days and stuck to a decent calorie intake, but I didn’t and I’m worried that I don’t feel guilty about it. It happened, I did it and I’m moving on and I can start over now, not tomorrow. I’m confident in my dinner, chicken breast with a vegetable, but I’m struggling with motivation to go work out. There’s a body pump class at 6, but I would prefer a LA boxing class, but those are happening too late for me, 7:45! I want to be in bed by then. I told you I was tired. And my race, Step away from cancer is this Saturday and I feel like I’m fooling around here

Just say no to nuts 9/14 recap

So yesterday was going well, I was on track, until I journaled my food and got to snacks, it was almost more than my breakfast and lunch put together. Clearly it‘s the nuts. I just have to say no. No salty nuts I will not put you in my mouth (I couldn’t resist). But that’s not the worst of it. “Dinner” I can’t even explain what came over me. But I ate like my parents left me home for the first time and dinner was up to me. Sour cream and onion dip (the sour cream is actually fat free Greek yogurt) and chips, then orange and vanilla sorbet and a small slice of a small pecan pie. I’m pretty sure that’s what they call a binge.

I’ve also been chained to my desk and not getting to the gym this week and I know that’s why I’m kind of not feeling great and sluggish. I need to get this body moving or else I’ll start back sliding. I think I leave my desk the way it is and catch the 6:30 body pump class, it's not cardio but i think they have a gajillion sqauts and lunges in that class.

WW Memories 9/14/10

I found some old weight watchers check in cards from my second also my last stint and I weigh less now that I did then. I wish I had the first batch of weigh ins, but I don’t think I had gained a monstrous amount of weight in between. I honestly don’t remember any of the weights; just the joy of losing and the anguish of gaining or only losing point something. But I’m pretty sure I’m the lightest I’ve been since my 20s, even with that bout of mono freshman year. I feel like maybe I was wrong, maybe I wasn’t meant to be fat, but that I just wore it well and it was easier to keep it than to lose it. I meet up with my cousin over the weekend and she told me I was her new hero that was a special moment. And I’m thinking maybe I’m my hero for just doing it, for taking it seriously and for really wanting it this time. For the ladies who are still doing WW, I hope you know about Dottie.

Catching up 9/9-13/10

9/9 Thursday
My eating was okay and I went to LA Boxing for some Boxing, surprise surprise. It was another one of the fighters that I see doing some crazy super human things like the drills we have do, but with a weight vest and more reps and perfect form. I admire and hate him at the same time, but enjoy his music selection.

9/10 Friday
Eating was okay as well, all in all, it’s getting back on track and I couldn’t be happier about that. It was getting hairy there for a few days. I went to Kickboxing and my first thought when I parked was “Dear God why the hell am I doing this again!?! UGH!?!” But I went in and did my thing. It was a good workout and when it was over I went to my other gym and decided to take the time and run a mile to see if I could do it….and I did!



At a faster pace, so my time was better. I was talking to a trainer that buys Mary Kay from me and she just looked at me with awe and “you are one crazy chick” when I told her I just got back from kickboxing, but wanted to run a mile faster than I did last week. And while I was at it I weighed myself sweet merciful heavens I had another loss, my weight was 222.5. 2.5 pounds to lose to get out of this decade.! No pic, the gym was busy and I was naked.

I also ran that mile because I was going out to dinner with my best friend and while she does workout as well, we don’t order salads, but we do split an entrée and get two appetizers and a bottle of wine…it was Friday.

9/11 Saturday

What a day. I woke up early and reflected and remembered.

I had every intention of going to my morning class and running, but a good friend of mine that I haven’t seen in a while had a better plan, early morning yard sale and then we workout and then get ourselves some desperately needed new bras. We ended up walking around Eastern Market and buying fresh veggies and fruit. This inspired me for next week’s meals.

I planned to have egg whites on whole wheat English muffins for breakfast instead of the Kashi cereal I enjoy, cuts down on the carbs. Then I was going to be boring for lunch and dinner with chicken breast and veggies. My snacks would be the delicious peaches and plums I got from the market.

9/12 Sunday
I was so very much going to go to the 10:30 boxing class, but I woke up too early and then fell asleep and missed the class. It was a lovely raining morning and I believe that’s nature’s way of telling me to relax and take it easy. And I did, until the sun came out and then I realized there was so much to do. Blah! We went grocery shopping and I got my veggies and chicken breast.

9/13 Monday



As you can see, I didn’t get the entire workout plan in that I wanted to and my eating was good, except for that middle bit, which set me over my limits. I thought it wasn’t that bad until I figured out the calories and sweet lord, never again. The calories were more than half of what I want to eat in a day. Let me explain (read: let me tell you my excuse) I forgot about an offsite meeting and I lost my will power for sushi and mini desserts, but I got back on track and then derailed again, but for the most part, I was focused. I wanted to get to the gym after work, but I was just done and wanted to go home. When I got home I felt guilty about not doing anything so I took my niece on the long evening walk she’s wanted to take for a while so there was a walk with terrible decisions, but I did do 50 regular crunches and 50 side ab thingies and day 1 of the push up app. I just want to be able to do them not on my knees.

9/8/10 – I’m in amazement and hiding

I weighed myself and I have lost nothing and I have gained NOTHING! I’m not questioning it, but I am hiding out in case that weight is trying to sneak up on me this week.

This morning I packed my gym bag for 2 workouts, go me! I realized I left my breakfast at home and decided to be a little late and stop by the super market to get Kashi GoLean crunch cereal. I think they increased the serving size from ¾ cup to a full cup. I don’t remember there being that much cereal. Anyway, I had the serving size and I was good. I wasn’t hungry for a snack so there was no snack, just jitters about going back to LA Boxing after being lazy for over a week, also I was going to weigh myself to see what damaged I had done. Then I realized, I did not pack my sneakers. Now that fat girl in me who wanted to get pizza for lunch and sit somewhere was doing a happy dance because she thought that meant no boxing. Boy was she pissed when I decided that only meant no mile run after the boxing class, I’ve taken these classes barefoot and if we run I have socks.

There was a new instructor and he was good, he took time to instruct me on my technique, very helpful, very large biceps that one, now that I think about it, like big, but not to huge just enough to make a blogger swoon at the memory of them, not even considering mocking his tribal tattoo…yeah so boxing was good, I worked up a good sweat. Not going to lie, I miss Mikey and his crazy third world ninja training drills he makes us do. Bicep man made us do the duck walk, bunny hop, crab crawl and some other bad bad things and 120 sit ups.

Lunch is a Kashi Lemongrass coconut chicken with hot sause. And iced green tea, from my morning tea (not the delicioso café con la lechera, but this is what it takes) that I didn’t drink. Then I stumbled upon the tray of baklava. I refuse to learn how to make baklava because I will make it and eat it and not one of those small pieces you get either, I would cut big pieces and eat them with tea. I’d keep going but it gets a little R rated. So I quirkily looked up the info on the baklava and a site had these from Jason’s deli, but I don’t know how much these weigh. So I’m not sure….so I’m not going to eat it, but I will eat 2 cups of grapes, a banana and a cup oh lettuce with 2 olives. I would just like to say I got a bottle of fat free ranch dressing and sweet lord that stuff is terrible and what is that consistency? No really, why is it like that? Ugh. I ate my lettuce dry. But I do have a baklava in baggie, if the size is right it will be my dessert. If all goes well, I will have chicken breast and maybe some fresh corn on the cob and broccoli.

Wish my luck that I even feel like cooking that and that Verizon has fixed my internet.

8/30 – 9/7 Explanation

Actually all I have for that week are excuses that I think are reasons to not do what I know I should do. My eating was to put it nicely “Holy Fuck woman!?! Why is that in your mouth?” I was super busy at work and super lazy about my life. I’ve clearly been hiding from the truth which is why there are no entries for last week.

I got a notebook labeled it the plan and wrote up a game plan with activities I could/should do (I need to nail those down a little better) and my food intake (I need to do a better job of that as well). I wanted to reinstate 100 crunches a day and ad in the 100 pushups app I have on my phone and then I wrote down the classes my gyms offer each day and tried to plan out my meals. Doing that in bed at 11 was not a great idea because that lucky notebook is still in my bed while I am regretting the crispy curly fries I had for lunch while wishing they had old bay seasoning on them. Grrr. I need to do better and try harder; I didn’t even try to pretend to pack my gym bag. Sigh. I need to break this cycle and fast; I don’t want this to become my norm. I’m done improving myself.

Inhale Exhale, it will be okay. Dinner is another meal to get on the right path and tomorrow is another day to get it right. I will post pictures of my notebook page and figure out a grade for myself based on the items so we can share in the craziness. Perhaps that will motivate me to get all A’s. I did have one accomplishment today, I did not start off my morning with making coffee and sweetened condensed milk instead of breakfast.

On a random feel good note. I think I got hit on…at the pool….in my bathing suit….by a life guard….he was really really fit….I was in my BATHING SUIT!