Natural Hair

This isn't cute anymore:

I’m 31, the new 30 and I’m closer to my goal than when I started this blog. Now I’m trying to stay on the path that will get me healthy and on the other side of the clothing store. I’ve had my revenge moments and they felt great. Now I’m ready for more of those great moments, maybe this year I’ll propel down something, who knows. But I’m held back by 40 less things.

Friday, January 28, 2011

Yesterday, 1/28

I had nothing. I did nothing I ate a bit of junk.

But I was sad to learn that JewliaGoulia lost her mom this week. I lost my mom a few year ago and my heart breaks for her and her family.

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Snow, a love hate relationship today

What a day, more like what a night. Work was fine, I had a to do list and a time frame and it was going well until, BAM!!!! Snow. Now I know what you’re thinking, snow, snowflakes pretty. NO! I work 6.7 miles from home, it took me 4, FOUR hours to get home. No bullshit.

I had my day planned by the hour. I nice long workout a shower, studying and sleeping, it was going to be full, productive and perfect. I left at 4 thinking I would go to the gym first, but the traffic was so bad I thought it best to head home. Now last night it was hard for me to not go to the gym, I passed by 2, but I knew I needed rest so I did and that’s why my day was going so well. I even got to work early! I was going to have a long workout and study. Cut to 3.5 hours later and I’m squatting in between my open passenger door and the back door taking the longest most public piss ever in my life.

I’m finally home and tired and sipping my whiskey. But I wanted to blog because I want a chocolate cupcake an I already had a whole pita pizza, boy was it good, but without the workout (I’m freaking out because this is the second day in a row) I’m over my calories, again! By 297 calories. That’s 20, 25 minutes on the elliptical. Tomorrow is most likely a snow day and I am doing some DVD for sure and studying. I might have a Stat quiz tomorrow.

I want to talk about this pita pizza I got going on. I just love it, it really hits the spot on you can put anything you want on it. I get the large whole wheat pita, pizza sauce and then the rest is up to you. And you know I put the squash and zucchini on it. I had the whole thing! But depending on what you put on it it’s around 500 calories and if you have half, like I should have, it’s even less. But do watch the sodium, which can be higher than I would like.

Last Post’s Comments:

Doc, I so very much hope the nausea goes away; I almost can’t wait to not have this dull ache all the time, who knew you didn’t always have to hurt? I also want to know how many I have, for some reason I’m stuck on how many. I’ve already asked and no, I cannot have them after. Boo I say, they are mine, I want them. But I understand. Lean Cuisine was on sale at Giant, it might still be, 5 for 10 bucks and I stocked up and I’m just trying all of them. Today I had the lemon pepper fish and it tasted better than it looks. The fish is crunchy and fools you into thinking you’re eating fried fish. The butternut squash ravioli is also really good.

Ms. H, you should totally get down on these veggies. It’s so easy to make a bunch and it keeps and can be transformed into so many things. If I can find some whole wheat orzo I’ll do a Greek thing with some of that fat free feta cheese that Trader Joe’s caries. Next time I’m going to throw an herb in there, maybe or sage.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Monday Update and today

So Last night was Monday night and I had time of it with the eating. And I was trying to get out of working out, so I blogged and got myself to the gym. Since I had so much unnecessary food I decided that I need an hour of cardio, but left before yoga because I had to do homework. Let the juggling begin.

I got to 500 quicker than usually and took a picture to mark the occasion.

I did 200 random crunches and 40 pushups and stretched. I’ve taken to bringing PJs to change into after I work out and I even picked up a pair of men’s slippers. I’m not fan of PJs in public, but it’s after 9, I’m covered up by my coat and I’m going home.

I also had a weight in 225.5! I feel like I should have a bigger loss than 1.5 pounds, but it’s a loss and maybe if I say I’m okay with slow and steady it will eventually be true.

Onto today. I’m tired and didn’t work out; I’m trying to get my body rested so I can be productive. I need to catch up on work and homework and maybe have dinner with an old college friend. Today was going well until lunch. My Lean Cuisine was the roasted garlic chicken with spinach.

It was okay, but soupy, it could have used some rice, brown rice. It was not a satisfying lunch and then Baja Fresh meeting leftovers happened. I’m a little over my calories, but I’m a little over 1200 so I’m not extremely upset, but I see what I did wrong and my water intake is low for today.

So for dinner I had more roasted zucchini and squash and a few slices of eggplant with some red pepper flakes. This is my new obsession; I’m reared to have this for lunch and dinner with some brown rice for a while. But I think I’m going to try roasting some green beans with lemon pepper and a ginger. That should be good. I’d like to have as low calorie, fat and sodium dinner because of the Lean Cuisines I have for dinner.

Comments:I have a hard time following the comments I leave on other blogs so I will respond to the lovely comments at the end of my entries.
Sarah aka Ms Cheeks: It’s funny how my sex life seems to have disappeared with the pounds. Sometimes I regret making the rule that I only sleep (make the beast with two backs) with my boyfriend since I don’t have one. If you write a book, I can write the introduction.

Doc: Yes I did hurt and I deserved it. Too many sweets, even though I’m dreading the surgery, I’m looking forward to not having that pain and I hope the nausea I sometimes have is linked to the stones because that’s just unpleasant.

Monday, January 24, 2011

I am disappointed and in a bit of a funk

So Friday I cracked while making the squash and had sunflower seed kernels and then movie theater popcorn at the movies. I thought I was getting back on track on Saturday, I went to Zumba with T and my upper inner thighs have never hurt like this before. It was a good work out and I was in there jumping around and the few times I looked at myself in the mirror (the instructor made me, I did a few times before and it was less than a pleasant experience for me) I looked better than I remembered. I’m sure cinchy on the compliments today. After the gym I meet up with a friend and had Pho with a serving size of noodles, I was disappointed and happy at the same time, portion control. We did a double feature of the lovely Ms Portman. I just had to see Black Swan again, so good and the second time around you catch some things you miss the first go around. “No Strings Attached” could have been worse. There’s just something about Ashton Kutcher that I don’t get and don’t like, it’s something in the maw area. And my jaded ass laughed at the “endearing “ and cheesy parts. I might just be mad at love because I don’t have it, but I know when I became full on jaded about love stories in movies “You complete me”, that’s when it happened for me. Anyway there was no snacking at the movies which was great, but we did stop at a stop at a little French bistro because it was about 7 degrees and we were by the water walking uphill. We split brie and spicy lamb sausages and we each had the onion soup, not the best watching my figure food, but so very comforting. And yes, there was bread, no butter. Io then sat in horrid traffic and went straight to bed.

I had random dreams about the boy I want and woke up all types of frustrated at that situation and but I didn’t eat my emotions, but I could have, instead I ran errands. I may have eaten some of my emotions for dinner, beef burgers (I did have to talk my sister in to making them a bit smaller, I got smaller buns on purpose) with homemade baked fries.

Now it’s Monday and I woke up late and unprepared for it because I was watching football on Sunday and not doing what I had to do. We had a birthday lunch from a BBQ place and I ended up canceling my order because it wouldn’t be healthy and after I got rid of the bad stuff I was left with a 9 dollar plate of lettuce and canned diced tomatoes, but I did have cake. It was ice cream cake and I think that’s where everything went downhill. It was blood in the water for me and I went into a feeding frenzy. My gallbladder is currently teaching me a lesson. Here’s why
-6 cookies made with splenda, I want to say justify this with how small they were, but once you eat 6, I mean, come on, that’s 6 fucking cookies!
-Handful of pretzel M&Ms and I have man hands
-fun size snickers and a Hersey kiss because it was there

The sad part is I was going to then skip the gym and have a hamburger for dinner. I decided I need to blog this out when I made that plan. It’s a horrible plan because I have to get back up now and not wait until later or in the morning. Because then I’ll have hours to slide further down this slippery slope. Now I have to face the scale (it is my weigh in day) with all the decisions I’ve made.

So I am off to the elliptical and no yoga, I have homework and reading I really need to do for class tomorrow and maybe I’ll feel like procrastinating with a follow up post.

Friday, January 21, 2011

I went back to the smaller gym last night because it’s by a Loft and I saw that they carry 18s and I think I might be able to fit some items there and I wanted to try on their clothes to see if I could. And there’s a whole foods there and I’ve been craving yellow squash ever since Christina had some on her fifth day of clean eating and I just knew Whole Foods would have some. I also wanted to try out the tread climber.

After finding a machine that would recognize that my iPhone was plugged in I was ready to go. I was wrong about the heart rate, I saw 170 a few times, but nothing hurt so I think I’m fine.

This elliptical’s random setting is way more random than the one I’m use to, it never gets to level 20 by itself, but I might have been resting on the hand control for the level, I don’t know.

After I got my 500+, I decided to play with the tread climber for a little bit. It takes a moment to get adjusted to the movement, but once you do you can see how it burns more calories and I felt it in my bum for real for real. I think I’ll attempt to burn half my 500 on that thing on Tuesday. So I guess I need to get use to the smushed feeling of the layout of it all.

Since it is so cramped I decided to do my abs and stretching in the empty studio and as soon as I was halfway through with my first pushup rep a few people came in. Luckily everyone had enough space without invading someone else’s which is what I was going for.

Since I had no place to be but home and in bed and an hour before the gym closed I decided to take my time and up the ante on at least the pushups. I decided to double my 20. When I was in the locker room the girl who was working out with me complimented me on my “routine”. I seriously make it up as I go along. Here’s what had her impressed:

-40 pushups, I usually do 20, but I wanted to be bad ass, but I did these in between the abs as to still have use of my arms

-25 regular crunches

-25 left side crunches

-25 right side crunches

-25 each side - Not sure what this one is called, my gym HAD an class called “Awesome Abs” and this was a move our instructor had just learned at a conference (Yup there was some kind of convention she went to). You do a crunch and at the top you bend to each side holding the crunch, only moving from the hips. Contracting the side abs

-25 crunches, legs extended right over left

-25 crunches, legs extended left over right

-30 seconds each side of making a bridge with my body on my back and extending a leg straight out from my hip, so that my knees a together. I wanted to work my quads since I’ve been squat free for a while. I should do some squats on Tuesday as well. (Monday is cardio and yoga)

-50 flutter kicks (I only count on the right side, don’t want one side of my pending six-pack to be bigger than the other)

-25 lower back crunches, is that even a thing? I lay on my stomach and contract my lower back to get into the superman and hold for a few seconds

And then the stretching, there’s a lot of yoga’s child’s pose, especially during the pushups. I really enjoy the pigeon pose, or my interpretation of it anyway. In this pose I can tell how much more flexible I am because I can fold forward onto my elbows.

I always stretch my legs since I use them so much in cardio and I want them to remember that they can stretch, last night I got more of my upper body on my lower body, but I was standing and that’s a bit easier for me, I think because gravity is nice enough to help out.

Unfortunately I will not be able to work out today, unless I can figure out how to leave work early. I’m babysitting tonight and my niece gets home at 5:30 and I’m taking her to see Tangled. If it’s not too cold we’ll go for a walk first, but it’s cold and I’m not getting her sick. I’ll be fine; I’m going to a Zumba class with my friend tomorrow, so I’ll get my 5 days in of working out. Oh my, as I’m typing this it’s starting to bother me a bit, but its okay, I’ll just stay to my calorie allowance and all should be fine. Dinner will be a creation, the squash and zucchini with orzo, thyme or rosemary, garlic, grape tomatoes and maybe some fat free feta from Trader Joe’s.

I wish all of you luck and strengthen over the weekend and during any challenging moments.

Thursday, January 20, 2011


I knew there was something I forgot. I was hoping to have some old measurements somewhere, but no such luck, yet. Did how ever find my old tape measure and I have 36 marked in red because that was a goal of mine so very long ago. So here are my numbers for my Monday weigh in:

Weight: 227lb
Hip Size: 46.5 in
Waist size (@belly button): 37in (so close to 36!)
Chest (like measuring for a bra): 37in (is it weird that’s the same size as my wait?)
Thigh: 28.5in
Calf: 16.5 (I know these bad boys were 17in at some point)
Bicep: 15.5 (fat and muscle)
Neck: 14.5 (I know this was 15 at some point)

Danger Zone

Even after my post last night I felt like I was in the danger zone. The “not going to the gym” danger zone and the “if I do go I won’t be able to reach my goal of burning 500 calories” danger zone. Sometimes I feel like it’s just not going to happen for me. Since I’ve started back on 1/3 my goal has been to go to the gym Monday thru Friday and burn 500 calories and I’ve hit it, even if I have to go back to the gym. But sometimes it’s hard to get there, but once there it’s easier.

Last night I realized a few things.
-I think I’m smaller than I think I am.
-I can see my feet way better now.
-If I suck in my stomach, I’m skinner than I can ever remember being
-My heart rate has gotten better, at the peak of my workout, I’m not at 80% aerobic for 7 year old. It use to get up to 170+. Now it’s in the 160s.
-I can do better pushups. The majority of them are on my knees but I can and do go lower than when I started out. Last night I busted out 10 good ones in a ROW! And 5 in a row on my toes.

Another awesome thing is that I did 200 crunches!
25 regular crunches
50 - 25 side crunches, each side
50 - Legs fully extended with on foot on top of the other, it was a move on my ab DVD, 25 both legs
25 – legs straight(ish) up and reaching for the toes
50 flutter kicks

I think that’s all I’ve got for right now, the day is getting away from me and it seems like my cube is about to drown in paper, this lady just commented and while I don’t like her, she makes a point, as does my co-worker, there’s no time to deal with filing because once you finish one thing there are 3 others and they are all the most important thing in the world…to who asked for the information. But I really would like to not have so much paper around me.

Also, welcome new readers! I’m flattered, seriously. I feel like I really have to get my shit together if it's not just me reading this.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

2-a-day Tuesday?

My eating has been pretty good, I haven’t going over my calories and if I do it’s not by much and I have my burned calories there as a safety net. I’m back to loving the gym and working out. Things are going along nicely.

Last night I had class and my friend, T who is in my class asked if I was going to work out and of course I was, so I had a workout buddy. Nothing against T, but I don’t think I’m the biggest fan of the workout buddy. My time frame and goals were different than her goals. We should have discussed. Then we had to wait to get side by side machines and then there’s the “I’m putting my headphones on” moment. But all I n all it was fun, I helped her with some ab work and it’s fun to do things with someone.

So I had 250 calories burned when we were done, I know it’s more because there was some biking and 8 minutes on a broken elliptical, it was stuck on level 10+, I could barely get It move. I also found out that some of the machines charge my iPhone so I could have had music last time. You live you learn. So 250 calories burn on the fancy machine.

Fuck that shit! I'm getting my 500 calories burned. I drive by my regular location and I was not about to not reach my goal.

So technically it was a 2 a day Tuesday. *clapping for myself* So now I’m convinced I’m a bit more crazy than I was at the beginning of the day and I’m okay with it. I also got on the scale and it was more of a 225 reading, so I hope to have a really good weigh in on Monday. I just need to record my weekend eating to keep myself on track.

So the other small location has a tread climber. I will be going back there and trying it out. I’ve been wanting to get on one of those since that first late night infomercial. And of course I’ll tell you how it is.

A little bit more on food. I am surprised at how much I’m enjoying these Lean Cuisines. I think I’m going to treat myself with Kashi, but Giant has Lean Cuisine on sale, 5 for 10, that’s 10 bucks for a week’s worth of lunch and we all k now we’ve spent that on 1 meal. Plus I can get a “free” lunch bag with 20 codes. Tonight I’ve decided its Pita Pizza night and I shall have half this time. I don’t want the pita to go bad and I have eggplant and zucchini and it’s just begging to be on a pita pizza.

Well I’m off to the gym, my eyes are a little heavy and FGIMH wants to get to eating this pizza now. Oh, anyone try bluberi non fat frozen yogurt?

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

First offical weigh in

Last night was weigh in night and I clocked in at 227, 3 pounds down from the starting weight of 230 on the first, not bad. I honestly expected more of a lost, but maybe next week? I just need to keep going at it.

I left work (I got caught up in a project) later than I wanted and by the time I got on the machine it would have been silly to not be on it for an hour and then go to yoga, so that’s what I did. I did a little over an hour, I was trying to get to 777 calories burned because it would have been lucky and I’m crazy.

After I wiped that thing down I grabbed my mat and a space in yoga. Now I’m not the most OCD person out there, but I’m always annoyed at how some people place their mats in class. It’s like street parking, don’t take up a space and a half. Mini vent over. I worked the yoga and I was able to do more of the stretching, the sad part is I realized my stomach is keeping me from that complete fold, it’s not only being less flexible, there’s also stuff in the way. If it wasn’t I feel like I could bend in half much easier, so that’s something to look forward to.

When I got home it was late, but I wanted to chew my dinner so I sliced some zucchini and eggplant, used the spray butter salt and pepper and popped that in the microwave. I really wanted squash and zucchini, but squash isn’t in season. The zucchini was better than the eggplant. It was filling and low calorie and then I snacked on cheese can crackers while I worked on my homework.

This morning I woke up just tired, I did not go to bed a decent hour and I’m sure that’s why I’m dragging. But I also woke to ice, ice everywhere and I made a few half hearted attempts to get It up this morning before calling in late because my stairs and walk way were covered in this mess. I put some salt down (even my salt is pink) and went back in, made breakfast and sat down and rested my eyes, I should have finished my homework, but my eyes were burning and the last thing that was going to happen was reading of any kind.

It finally warmed up and I was able to break my stairs free and head onto work. I feel I made a bad call on coming into work, but if I stayed home I’m afraid I wouldn’t make it to class or to the gym.

As for the gym, I’m not sure I’m going back to that other location. I pass my regular location on my way back home and I just don’t like those showers.

Monday, January 17, 2011


This morning there was no early rising to get to the gym before work. There was racing and rushing to not be super late to work and man oh man I could have slept in. I need to get myself to bed at a better hour. I broke down and had two shots of espresso and flavored creamer, not really what I wanted to spend my calories and fat on, but I needed a jump start. And of course I didn’t really plan breakfast but I had a light triple fiber English muffin already here and some peanut butter. All in all breakfast was horrible and I have plenty of calories left as long as I get to the gym tonight and eat wisely.

Another Boo worthy mention is that there appears to be a trend starting:

Monday might become Donut Monday, ugh! I will stay strong! I want to wear cute little dresses this summer and a Krispy Kreme donut is not going to help me get there. Although I did take the last 2 cupcakes on Friday, one was for my niece and the other was for me. The beauty of this plan is they were not fresh so I really just swiped at the frosting and threw the rest away. I warned my niece, but the 8 year old only say cupcake and ate it anyway.

Lunch is not a Kashi meal believe it or not, I got a 6 pack of Lean Cuisine from Costco and am enjoying the Honey Roasted chicken, I think on a bed of whole wheat pilaf, which has the texture of orzo. I like it and the price of 6 at Costco is about the cost of 2 Kashi meals.

I’m feeling a bit tired and I’m thinking I might go to the gym earlier than I planned meaning no yoga. I just realized that I have homework and starting it at 9:30 at night is not what I want. I think today will be an hour of cardio.

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Oh what a night

So I rallied got dressed up and headed out and it was a fun night. I wore a short sweater dress with leggings (it's cold) and a pair of boots that I enjoy being able to zip up all the way. Here's a photo, need to clean my bathroom mirror.

The party was well under way when I got there and didn’t stop until the wee hours of the morning. I did a little flirting, but not much came of it. Apparently I’m dense, I didn’t pick up on the signals that this one guy lied me. My friend A called it, b I didn’t see it and assumed he would be interested in one of my other friends, you know the way it always is. Anyway, later on that evening, he kind of cornered me and we started talking. It would have been better if that happened before he had all those drinks and he didn’t bring up his ex-girlfriend and if he wasn’t also kind of hitting on another girl who walked by while talking to me. Needless to say we didn’t exchange numbers. Just as well, I felt that there was something untrustworthy about him and why not listen to my gut? Then there was another guy who also had some liquid courage and wanted to “talk”, he seemed nice, but unfortunately he so very much looked like someone from my past I don’t care for so that wouldn’t go far. So I have something going on, just need to keep getting out there and having fun.

I ended up staying the night, didn’t want to drive, I over indulged a bit and when I got up I meet up with my friend A to have brunch and hang out. We went for dim sum and my goodness; I just love dim sum and my lax weekend of eating. Of course since my weigh in is tomorrow I’m regretting it and I had pasta for dinner. But that’s all I had so I should be in a good-ish place with calories. I think I’m going to have to keep recording my calories during the weekend. I also think that I will do some DVDs on the weekends since I take a cardio break on the weekend. I really want to see if I can do the yoga DVD I got a while ago.

If I had my way I would work out tomorrow morning before work. There’s no school (Martin Luther King, Jr’s birthday) so my sister is staying home with Jasmine so I can leave earlier, but I’m not a morning person. Well see if I can even get myself dressed at 6am.

Goodnight and hello to my new follower!

Saturday, January 15, 2011

To Party or not to party

For the most part today has been a busy day of being on the couch watching TV. My ass actually hurts from sitting on it all day. I woke up this morning and did 20 minutes of abs, I have this DVD I did, I was going to follow up with yoga because I want to be bendy and it makes me feel good to stretch my body. I can go for a good back stretch on one of those balls right now. But I did something on my off cardio day which made me feel good. My good friend, C stopped by and we indulged our appetites on tacos, nachos and an America’s Next Top Mode marathon. Am I alone in not liking Tyra Banks?

Today also has a NSV. Many years ago I went shopping and just had to have this trendy red hoodie. It reads “foxy” aross the front like it’ a baseball team. Anyway, I always thought it was cute, but it was snug. I put it on this afternoon and it not only fits, it’s a little big, AWESOME!

Now I’m trying to rally to get myself together so I can go out and be social and maybe meet someone I want to spend my time with and to admire how bendy I’m becoming. One of my lifestyle changes included unattached sex. I want something better, something I deserve, no, more than I deserve; why not aim a litter higher? But I have to be available to make that happen and I’ve never been picked up by anyone on my couch.

Alright, alright, I’m up, I can’t be the cat lady, I’m allergic.

Ladies' Night

Friday was a pretty good day. I ate light during the day and left work early to get my 500 burned so that I could have calories banked for Ladies Night with the girls. I had fruit and yogurt for breakfast and a huge salad for lunch and a bunch of water. I ended up with 1200 calories for dinner and I’m pretty sure I used all of them and drank a good bit of them a well. My workout was good, I’m feeling good with the working out, and I feel strong.

OH! I got another feel good compliment. My co-worker/friend’s husband came in and just looked at me and said I was just disappearing. YES!!!! I thanked him and it put a spring in my step, really motivated me at the gym. The girl next to me also motivated me to keep moving. I get a little competitive with the person next to me on the machine, I do race them in my head and I ell badass when I beat them.

Here’s what I did:

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Real Post

The gym by my classes is…yum yeah. They have the same type of machines, but it’s smaller and they use mirrors o make it look bigger, but all it really did was confuse me. Everything was jammed into the space. Some of the equipment was new and better, you could plug you iPod into some of them, but I felt like the person next to me was on the elliptical with me. Also during class I discovered that my phone had died, not a death, just an uncharged death so that meant no music and no picture. I was less than pleased, but I soldiered on and watched TV, not the best get your body moving stimulus, but I couldn’t not go because off that. It did take me a little longer to get through my workout. 535 calories in 49:39, I forget the distant, but it was over 4 miles. I think I will continue to go there after class, but not shower there; I didn’t want to be in the shower stall at all.

OH! There’s an escalator in the gym. The entrance is on the bottom floor, but everything else is on the second floor, as I was riding up I saw the stairs and felt like an ass. And there is so much food around that location. There’s a five guys, a vie le France, Philadelphia mikes, at least 3 other food places I don’t need to be around, some other stuff, a whole foods (read: place to get really good cheese from) and one of my goal stores, Ann Taylor Loft. Craziness I tell yah.

I got home and I was hungry and I was still snacking on my lunch salad, but I knew a slim fast was not going to cut it. So I had breakfast for dinner, egg beaters, a little salsa, light sour cream and 2% cheese and an English muffin. When I was done I felt like I could eat another one so I took some big gulps of water and sat for a moment letting my brain catch up. I’m glad I let it because I was full. I was afraid to put that into MyNetDiary, I was sure it would put me over my calories. Why I think suck silly things I’ll never know. I’m still in my range and that didn’t account for me not finishing my salad as I had intended so I’m even further under my calories. YAY!

I’ve decided to do my weigh in on Monday nights, that way I have a motivator to have a good strong week. I think I’m also going to print out some clothes I would love to wear from some websites I can’t quite fit yet and stick them up on my desk. So when I want to go get some peanuts or one of the other treats that have been bought in I have a visual reminder of what I would be giving up if I broke. Speaking of treats, a few ladies in my office have decided that the first Monday of the month we would get breakfast. And the options they listed were Anita’s, Bob Evans, chick-a-flia. NO THANK YOU!!! I said I would join them, but I would bring in my own breakfast. They’re killing me. It’s amazing I can resists, but I see Valentine’s Day candy and Easter candy on the horizon, dun dun dunnnnnn.

I do wonder if I’m going a little hard core/overboard. This crossed my mind while I was weighing out my salad, but it was oddly comforting, but I didn’t want anyone to see me. Like when I eat colored candy like M&Ms or something and I separate out the colors and eat them by color. I know it’s “a bit off” but it’s how I roll. I’m not afraid of food, I’m not going hungry, I’m just restricting my intake and upping my out take. I’m sure one of you will say something, or one of my friends, so I won’t dwell on it.

Mini Post

Today has been busy busy busy, but my eating has been good. But I’m concerned a little too good, even though I’m not hungry. Breakfast was yogurt there was to be a banana, but time got away from me. While running some errands at Costco I did have a sample of lobster dip on a cracker and cereal bars, but we all know the Costco buffet doesn’t count, right? I will attempt to finish this post this evening after class and the gym….or in the morning.

I'm getting to 500 faster, I might have to start aiming for 600. Here are last night’s elliptical results:

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

2 Hour delay

This morning could have gone better ; since my sister decided to stay home, wish she would have told me before I took the 2 unnecessary hours off of work to make sure her daughter got to school okay (she’s 8, that’s now illegal). But it has thrown my eating way off; its 2:18 and all I’ve had is a banana and yogurt causing me to have a headache, but no hungry pains. I think I might sip on a slmifast and call it lunch.

Last night after class I was determined to have my pita pizza, I had the calories available and I wanted it. I only had a banana and water during class so I could have it. I made it when I got home and ate it, but I was greedy and ate the whole thing and got that touch of the too full feeling. In my 20/20 hindsight I should have paired it with a salad, had half and the same for lunch today, but that’s not what happened at all.

Now it’s almost 6 and I’m taking a break from filing, my least favorite thing to do. It is draining me. It has me thinking if I eat light I can go straight home, but I know that’s not true, I need to burn calories as well. It must be evening debate time in the ole noggin. But I know how this will play out; I’ll get on the machine, burn my 500 and do some core work, shower, go home and have a good dinner. I’m thinking soup (lentils) and salad. I will also weigh myself again; I like to see the progress. ACK! I need my measurements! I’m such a slacker.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

I am not Gretel

This morning I’m still flying high on my workout last night and my flip flops. Shower shoes in my bag and I stroll into the office ON TIMEish and this is what I’m confronted with:

Yes donuts, fresh donuts and cupcakes! I mean come the fuck on its 1/11/11, we are eleven days into the New Year and we aren’t even in this day that far and we have donuts and cupcakes! Bitches trying to set me up!

This is what this “snack area” looked like during the holidays, no less than two types of M&Ms, random chocolate, peanuts, not pictured is a tin of popcorn, butter, caramel and cheese.

This is what it’s been whittled down to last night when I left. I took the popcorn and a lot of the candy and put it in the kitchen. I set up the passerbyers, I know but this is about me, they don’t have to eat it. I just don’t need it near me, taunting me.

I came very close to breaking, the donuts I’m told are wonderful and taste like heaven and I want to like one of those cupcakes like you wouldn’t believe. But I think I’ll get some perverse glee in the control aspect of not eating one. I want one because it there and that’s all. I don’t need it. So as soon as my boss pulled out of the parking lot I went to the gym myself and enjoyed a 41 minute workout on the elliptical.

I worked up a good sweat and ran into some people I’m friendly with which is nice. One’s a trainer that sometimes buys Mary Kay from me and she said I looked good, I said thanks despite the scale. (Oh! That thing has budged a bit, it’s around 228. I still need to figure out this weigh in day thing. Maybe I’ll do it on Mondays, to set the tone for my week? Any thoughts on this?) I set my mind on wander and boy that sure does help me get through a workout. I was just going along, day dreaming until the wrath of God shook my being in the form of sweat in my eye. After the elliptical I got on that stationary ab thing that works your lower back…to the Google image search!

It takes a lot of trust to get on that thing, trust I did not have for my oblique’s, maybe next time. I did 25 of those, then 20 pushups, 25 crunches, 20 second plank (front only) crunches with legs straight up followed by 20 side crunches on each side and I finished up with 30 seconds of flutter kicks. I took my time stretching out and it always feels good.

Now I’m back at the office feeling focused and good because there’s nothing like a good shower in the middle of the day to make everything alright, just wish I could remember underwear.


Oh snap, the statistics class I wanted that was full just had a seat open up. I snagged it and now I'm on my way there. It's until 8, I need some snack/dinner options quick...okay, slim fast no pizza, but there might be time, so, a babybel and a banana, tea and some water. GO!

For dinner I’m having a pita pizza and I’m excited, the only bad thing about this is the sodium content, it’s high, but only if I eat the whole thing, it’s possible, but I’ll try not to.

Monday, January 10, 2011

My Monday Evening Concludes

It almost tomorrow and I should have gone to bed a while ago, before the 4 Hershey kisses, why do I have a stash of those things? So I had dinner and I’m not sure if the calories are right. Baked skinless boneless chicken 2.25 o is only 68 calories? That’s what MyNetDairy app says and I’ll take it, sounds right, I just thought I would eat more for dinner. I did have broccoli and mashed potatoes, the corner of my mouth is still not happy about the dentist holding it open and it’s tender to the touch.

I got to the gym later than I wanted, I ddn't have enough time to burn my 500, but I didn't do too bad, short by 119

I ran out of time because I like to take the evening yoga class. Yoga was good, it’s definitely gentle and I’ve never folded that much onto myself before in my adult life, unassisted. It was a moment to realize I’m way more flexible than when I started. But something was bugging me. Before I got dressed to work out I got on the scale and it hadn’t budged from 230. I’ve been keeping my calories low and my calories burned pretty high. If I don’t see any results I’m going to push my calories to 1200 and see if that makes a difference. But in the meantime I had 119 more calories to burn.

And to all a good night

I've got a case of the Mondays

I can feel it already today is going to be hard. I felt tired and drained as soon as I got to work and it’s been going nonstop ever since. I’m just not pleased with today, at all. I feel like I fighting against everything I have to do today and being defiant and to be honest, throwing a temper tantrum about how unfair life is. *sigh* But that will probably only tucker me out more and I have to save me strength.

I haven’t been that hungry, since I’ve been rushing I had a slim fast for breakfast, my sister got French Vanilla, not bad, still 6 grams of no reason fat. It got the job done, I’ve been nursing a yogurt for most of the afternoon, had half then had lunch then it was my something sweet. I should drink more water until I need to refuel for the gym. Dinner shouldn’t be too bad, I marinated some chicken breast last night and convinced my sister to bake that and steam some broccoli. She’s trying to get healthy as well, but she could falter. But if I go to the gym, I’m going to want to take the 8pm yoga class and I might just have a slim fast and something light to chew, I like chewing LOL.

I have also resisted the peanuts that usually call to me and the last of the holiday M&Ms. Every time I hear someone going for it I’m happy and relieved, those are handfuls of crap not going into my mouth.

I read a few blogs to get me pumped for the gym and FGIMH is starting to make trouble. I forgot my shower shoes and refuse to take a shower without them...guess I'm showering at home! Ha!

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Weekend Wrap Up

With this being the first weekend of my return I was hoping to get to the gym, but that didn’t happen nor did I count my calories like I should have. But I did avoid the fried chicken my sister made for dinner on Friday, also avoided it on Saturday for lunch. I had 4 French fries when we were out running errands instead of ordering anything, I waited it out for a better option, my mashed potatoes and a banana did the trick. Instead of pizza I made a pita pizza which was just wonderful. All in all I made good choices, I just didn’t record them, so my statement can’t be validated, tricksie no?

But I do have some good news, it’s a secret and I haven’t said this out loud to anyone…I went up the steps at least twice today and there wasn’t that loud popping sound coming from my knee! I’m cautiously excited about the idea of my knee being sound free! I might be running in time for my surgery, oh what timing, but whatever. How exciting! Tomorrows Monday and it’ll be more cardio to get me back in the game and recording my food intake. I almost can’t wait.

In My Head

Fat Girl In My Head (FGIMH): I don’t want to go to the gym at all, it’s late and we’re still at work, we should just go home.

Me Trying To Be Good (MTTBG): Sounds good, but we have the weekend off so I think we’re going to burn 500 calories

FGIMH: That sounds just awful. We can order some food and go home and watch some TIVO!

MTTBG: That does sound nice, how about we go for at least 30 minutes and we’ll call it a night?

FGIMH: Ugh, I just don’t want any part o the gym, I want to take those pain meds and lay the fuck down! NOWWWWAH!!

MTTBG: I really hate it when you whine. We’re at the gym and look how tight this outfit is, that’s a lot of camel toe.

FGIMH: You should do something about that.

MTTBG: No shit that’s why we’re here, we’ll go for 30 minutes and see if we can’t go a little longer, it’ll only be about 15 more minutes. You want your cake and smaller body too and that just ain’t gonna happen.

FGIMH: My mouth hurts

MTTBG: That’s okay, we won’ be doing any mouth exercises.

FGIMH: You’re such an asshole!

MTTBG: Well, since I'm an asshole, let's just do the 500 and call it a night...after some planks.

Friday, January 7, 2011


So I went in for part 2 of my root canal. Just so you know, it’s not a 1 parter, no sir. I have one maybe two more appointments, but seriously at this point I wish they had just taken the tooth. It’s ALL the way in the back and a hygienist (not at my current dentist) thought they were my wisdom teeth. I must admit that error did not make me feel comforted, but I’m no longer there because they don’t accept my insurance. So this afternoon they cleaned out the roots and sweet lord in heaven that hurt like a sonofabitch. And again I started to cry, this crying thing is new, like being cold, I blame the weight loss. I started after the numbing and right as I was reclined, but I did warn him. Sweet assistant wiped away my tears the way a nurse would wipe the sweat from a doctor’s brow. I tried to go to my happy place which turned out to be me dancing salsa, but like I say, that shit hurt. So much for solids this weekend, oh well.

Oh, I had Pho and a summer roll and water, but man was it good, I got a small so although I felt cheated by the amount I got, calorie and fat wise I was happy there was at best a cup and a half of those heavenly vermicelli noodles.

Despite my mouth pain I’m going to go burn my 500 today and do some arms and abs. Always abs, I’m hoping once I lose my belly weight I will find that I have an eight pack under there. LOL

I think that’s all I got for today, my mouth hurts, I cried like a baby (throughout the whole appointment, good thing I’m going to be out for my surgery), I’m going to kickass at the gym because I’m not doing the elliptical or crunches with my mouth and I will be drinking my dinner and making a whiskey cocktail.

Update from last night

Last night went well. 553 calories burned on the elliptical!

I did an “arms up winner crossing the finish line” when I made it to 500. So I need a solid 40 minutes to get to 500 calories. I did some floor work and stretching afterwards. Crunches, planks (the planks were harder last night) renegade rows and supermans. During the superman is when one of the meaty (by meaty I mean large with muscles, I like meaty) trainers comes over and compliments my form on my yoga pose, the lotus. First I think “oh my gosh he’s meaty” then I think “Is he trying to get a new client?” and then I think “I think this is a sign I should stay for yoga”. He goes into the yoga head stand with his knees bent and goes through some more moves and that big guy sure can move. I was a little smitten, but Yoga was starting and he was putting back my dumbbells for me. (Slight swoon)

So yoga was taught by a woman whose due date was at the very least last week, but I didn’t let that make me feel bad for not being able to do all the poses she did for as long as she did. About half way through the class I felt like I really didn’t like yoga and I wanted it to stop. It was difficult holding the poses, but I contribute that to it being my second workout of the evening and pushed through. During the cool down I almost fell asleep, but the coldness of the room kept me up.

After my long hot delicious shower I dressed in my PJs and headed home. Again it was too late to make the mash potatoes so it was looking like a slim fast night, but I wanted to chew and had cheese and crackers. What can I say, I love my cheese. It was probably for the best because today I’m having Pho, either with my cousin who I suspect made these lunch plan with me last night after a few cocktails and will either not remember or be able to come out for lunch. Or I’m having it with a friend/ex-boss, either way, I’m having it and I’m having it good.

This weekend I need to get to this measuring and picture taking business. I’ll ask my sister or someone to take them for me; maybe my cousin and I can take hers. I also think I’m going to move my weigh in day to Monday and I guess I’ll go back to my gym scale since that’s the one I’ve been using. And perhaps cutting off food by a certain time. If I don’t go to the gym in the evening I think my cut off will be 7.

Thursday, January 6, 2011

There’s no backing out

So I lost a follower and I must admit, I’m hurt, but I’m sure they felt I left them and 2. I’m doing this for me.
Last night I did boil the potatoes, but it was too late to get into making that so I had a kasha meal. (Dear kashi, I need coupons and an endorsement deal) I had been craving tacos all day and they had a new Spicy black bean enchilada and it was just the fix I need. I followed it up with 190g of simply potato sweet potatoes; it was yummy, just good and sweet enough. All good, yes? NO! I broke, while cleaning my room I had 2 chocolates, the hazelnut ones with the nuts on it, yeah, those. All wasn’t lost; I was still under my calorie allotment because of the workout.
It’s now 6pm and my desk looks worse than I would like and I feel the determination to go to the gym wavering. But I have to go; I need those 500 calories so that I can meet my calorie goal and not be all hungry and cranky. I packed my PJs (men’s PJs from target clearance, wish it was my boyfriends, but I don’t have one and that’s a whole other topic) so that I will be ready for bed and not random over eating when I get home.
Today I haven’t been bad, although cheese and crackers is not a balanced breakfast. I used the scale I bought for the office so I could know how much of that creamy badness I was eating and I have to say an ounce of cheese is a reasonable amount of cheese. I had yet another kasha entre, chicken Florentine again and snacked on some “hummus” I made. It was just chickpeas with some lemon juice and ground red pepper, a banana (have you heard about this banana infection going around?) and a yogurt that I got mad at. I was a little miffed because it was 170 calories. I saw 99% fat free and didn’t look at the calories. My friend told me to “Hush up and eat it” but added that it should only be 100 calories.

Okay, no more lollygagging, let me clear up this mess so I can get my 500 calories burnt.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

It feels better than good, it feels right

It’s a little after 5 and I have a ton of work to do, but I want to get this posted first. I had a slimfast for breakfast because chewing was not going to happen, I think I slept on my face wrong and my jaw hurt. In reality my pain meds probably wore off and I felt my mouth more. Either way I was okay with slowly slipping 6 fat grams of chocolate royale. I avoided the candy table and moved one of the bowls to the kitchen, you know, share the wealth/girth. There was no mid morning snack, but there was some tea because I’m less likely to sweeten tea.

Then I heard the familiar jingle of my boss’s keys and way soon out the door to my gym. I switched the inserts from one pair of running shoes to another and now they both suck. I need new workout shoes. So I climb onto old faithful and start up the music. My goal is going to be to burn at least 500 calories. I fell short by 28 calories, see:

So I stretched and got back on for almost 3 more minutes to make my 500.

Crazy? Perhaps. Determined? Yes! I want my 500 calories. If I can eat my way up to 236 I can burn 28, well, 31 more calories.

I wanted to do some abs and I wanted to test myself so I did some renegade rows with 10 pound dumbbells. I did 20 sets of right push up left push up. I can do it on my knees and it still hurts, to do them, not my knees. Then I did 25 crunches, I’m not a fan of full on sit-ups and felt like a slacker so I made myself do some planks and not on my knee planks, forearm and toes planks. 20 seconds on the front, 10 on each side alternating 2 reps and then 20 on the front finishing up with 10 seconds of moving my legs in and out. a total of 70 seconds. Then I just did every stretch I could remember and then remembered flutter kicks and did a minute of those. Phew! I was all sweaty and ready for my shower. As I was leaving the lady who was busting her abs with an exercise ball and medicine ball said “good job out there, you’re strong!” I said thank you and said I would try her ab moves next. That compliment boosted my workout high.

I came back to the office and decided to chew because I was HUNGRY and that slimfast would be gone in a gulp. I swear it took me 3 hours to eat that kashi meal. The meal of the day was the coconut lemongrass chicken, quite nice and I always seem to put hot sauce on it, not sure why, it just smells like it should be there even though it’s fine without it.

I’ve since had a yogurt and a babybel light cheese and I’m feeling good about today. Dinner’s a bit tricky, I’m thinking about making mashed red potatoes with a light cream of broccoli soup as a substitute for milk and butter. That shouldn’t be too high in fat or calories, but carbs yes. I just want something substantial and creamy.

Oh as for my weight, the scale at the gym, the one I’ve been using says 228, how can there be an 8 pound difference? Does this ever happen to anyone else? Are scales like mirrors? Some are really nice while others can go fuck themselves?

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Sorry, I fell in the lake

The title is an inside joke my newly refound friend told me some years back, its used when someone just up and dissapears.

I apparently took the month of December off. Well, it started with Thanksgiving and then it was my birthday which I celebrated for a few weeks. And then there were the company parties and friend gatherings. Oh, and the lead accountant lady just had to buy all of the different kind of M&Ms that were holiday colored. I swear the pretzel M&M bowl was filling itself up from the bottom. On Christmas Eve they got Bob Evan’s biscuit and gravy and grit at which point I began to distrust my co-workers. They had worn down my resistance and ere know fattening me up to either eat or sacrifice to the end of the year accounting gods. Either way, those cookies and candy need to go away. The popcorn tin as well.

One of my best friends put together one hell of a birthday outing for me in recognition of my new life style which was really awesome. We started out with golf, some putting and then just hitting the ball on the driving range I think is what it’s called. Then there was tennis. Good lord. That was hilarious. Part of the adjacent court was dubbed the “Stephanie Zone” because I just couldn’t keep the ball on our court and a few times not even in the tennis court itself. During this birthday day extravaganza I spoke with a personal trainer who reiterated what my doctor said about my knee, rest it for a while, but jeez a while is a long time. AND there was some personal training and it felt good to punch again. I think I’m going to go back to LA Boxing soon with my limitations and do as much as I can. Then there was a massage, I forget how awesome those are until I get one. Followed by a lovely dinner, best part I was home by 10! And I had the house to myself; even though I was going to bed I took my pants off at the front door because I could.

Christmas was fine; I’m kind of an orphan. I can’t travel to see my dad for Christmas and when he comes I’m too busy to actually do anything and I have no kids and no real reason to get up all early to open presents. While my sister and nee live here, my niece went to her dad’s for the holidays and I decided that I was going to Spa World where you get naked and hot and wet…that sounds dirty, but if you click here you’ll see what I mean. I still haven’t gotten any services done, but I did spend a full hour and a half in their gym and I mean mugged all the runners on the treadmill. My chest was tight with jealousy. Weird, I remember not understanding runners now I envy their pain free click free strides. But I broke a good sweat and rewarded myself with a shower and some yoga breathing in the many different pumice rooms.

This New Year’s Eve was a first for me. I went out to a fancy dinner with some friends and kept my wits about me enough to safely get myself home and remember the evening. YAY! I didn’t start the New Year hung over or sluttly, go me! I was able to get out of the house and have dim sum for brunch and hang out with my friends. I’m not sure when it happened, but I made the decision to socialize as much as I could this holiday season. It would have been so easy to be lulled into a sulky lonely place and just shut down and wallow, but how long would it take to climb out of that? I don’t have time to detox from the dark allure of depression AND food.

Oh food, it got a hold of me and we’re going through a breakup. I now weigh a solid 236. I said goodbye to fried on the first. My plan was to get back in the gym daily eat 1200 calories. But I think I’m going to ease into a bit more like I did in the beginning, I have to build up my stamina and detox. I haven’t really gotten back into the swing of it, which is one of the reasons I’m back on this blog, it keeps me honest and a bit more in line, but most of all I miss the group feeling, like a support group all my own.

As for my health, my gallbladder operation is set for 2/18 an hour before the ass crack of dawn. I’m the first surgery of the day and should be home the same day. I have been able to keep my calories in check mainly because I couldn’t really eat due to a toothache that started on the first. Thank goodness I picked up those slimfasts (for a quick meal when it’s late and I don’t feel like eating); I had one for breakfast after my first root canal. That’s right a root canal and I cried before she even put the bib on me. I just get freaked out at the thought of mouth pain and mouth pain there was, but I got through it and 12 hours later just the corner of my mouth is really bothering me. Of course I’m on pain meds and a touch of whiskey and avoid biting down on that side at all.

All in all I’m okay and back. Tomorrow is Wednesday and I’m going to measure myself and get those numbers up and get my 236 pounds to the gym tomorrow. It will take me some time to catch up on all my blogs. How did everyone fare? Better than I, I hope.