Natural Hair

This isn't cute anymore:

I’m 31, the new 30 and I’m closer to my goal than when I started this blog. Now I’m trying to stay on the path that will get me healthy and on the other side of the clothing store. I’ve had my revenge moments and they felt great. Now I’m ready for more of those great moments, maybe this year I’ll propel down something, who knows. But I’m held back by 40 less things.

Monday, March 28, 2011

Do Not Read if Your Hungry...I know right?

So I managed to leave to house, YAY. It was to go to the grocery store for a few items, but that’s about it. Well, that’s not entirely true. I was craving comfort food, Dominican comfort food. I had been toying with the idea of making pernil for a while and this was the day. I got up early (the days of sleeping in on the weekends seem to be over) and prepared the pork, this was my first time making pork and it had a slab of skin and umm…it got too real, too this is an animal, but not too real that I wasn’t going to cover it in adobe, stuff it with garlic and pour a marinade all over it. Just a little shy of that real. I let it sit in the fridge for three hours and then slow cooked it in the oven all day.

The house smelled good, warm, like there was a family there, not just me. Then came the rice, white not brown and the Dominican red beans. I tried to be healthy with the plantains, but that didn’t go to well. Fried plantains are twice fried, fried once to soften the banana then removed and smashed and then fried again. I decided to boil it the first time and then fry it. I was so not on point with the eating, but this was my only mea of the day. But I boiled it too much and they fell apart when I smashed them, so I made magu, it’s like mashed potatoes, but with plantains. And if I was going to have magu I needed picked red onions, which are red onions pickled in lime juice and goes nicely with most meals, kind of like avocado, which I also had. And it was good, there is something going on that I can’t put my finger on it, but clearly from this meal, it something. I also had angel food cake; hey it could have been tres leche cake, easy. I think I did well on my portions all things considered.

Weekend Wonders

This weekend started out okay. I had the house to myself again so that was nice. My plan was to get up early and do some homework before class, but that didn’t really happen. I did manage to get up and out of the house with enough time to go to the slowest Saturday Starbucks ever. It’s a mix a good mix of two worker’s helping one person and unprepared Starbucks novices. I wish I could call my order in sometimes. So I make it to class and that’s when it changes, the take home I worked so hard on didn’t go as well as I thought. It seems I didn’t interpret the questions correctly so that didn’t help, but the one’s I got right I got right. I’m still pissed about it, but there’s no way to argue “sketch a graph” doesn’t mean “create a function” to me when it did to other people. I didn’t even think that’s what it could mean and maybe that’s the problem? But what’s wrong with writing “Create a function that….” That’s what I’d like to know. So now I’m monopolizing the teacher’s time during office hours and we’re going over everything from the week before. I will learn her speak and applied calculus.

So at the end of class and the tutoring session and doing the homework I decided it was time to go to the gym. I actually wanted to go to spaworld, but my friend cancelled on me (and another friend) yet again. Two things came out of that. 1. I’m no longer accepting invites from this girl, sad, but it’s too frustrating and 2. I went to my gym sans hot tubs and saunas. I was disappointed and really wasn’t feeling the whole workout thing, but I got my 500 and left. This I what not really feeling it looks like.

Not too shabby.

Last Post's Comments:

Thanks for understanding Sarah, I do love everything you were sweet enough to send.

Friday, March 25, 2011

I feel like an ungrateful ass

I’m so very sorry Sarah and Katie.

Katie over at Finding the Thin within, which is now named Are you Willing.
I was scrolling through my posts trying to recapture the fire I had and I noticed this post was missing. I guess in my drug haze of recover I thought I posted it. In hind sight maybe it’s best I didn’t post anything in that state, I’m still concerned about this conversation I had with my Aunt that I don’t recall. I haven’t been uninvited to any family functions so I guess it wasn’t too bad. So here’s my long overdue post:

Thank you so much Katie for putting this together. I remember a few years ago watching a documentary about this overweight woman who had a weight loss community much like the one we have here. I think the lady was house bound or something along those lines, but she was really lonely as we can all remember or imagine how lonely it gets sometimes, but one of her close friends from her online community sent her a care package and she broke down and just cried because she was so touched someone cared enough about her to send her anything a gift and it made her feel connected to the world. Oh boy, I’m getting teary eyed just remembering it. Anyway, I remember thinking how nice it would be to get a gift from someone who just wants you to have something special and shares in your struggles. And the theme is pink, I have (had, it no longer fits, and I’m rather sad about that) a pink coat.

So I asked Sarah over at Finding My Fabulosity (she’s the one with the cheek bones I covet) to my job because in all honesty I wanted to tear into it as soon as possible. She used an envelope box that is the exact same kind that we use and a co-worker bought it over and I was like “Oh, my envelopes are here.” But then I noticed she was carrying it with one hand and she’s small. I looked at the label and squealed and clapped like a little girl. Then I grabbed my box and went to an empty cube to look and play with my loot.

I laughed because of the similarities in what I sent Sarah and what she sent me. I sent her pink socks and I now have these cute socks that I wore while recovering and had to fight my niece for.

I saw a packet of pink themed post its that I sent her and she sent me these cute pink and brown ones. My friend teases me that even if I have a boy my nursery would be pink and brown.

I sent her these awesome pink ear buds, now this is the crazy freaky part. I can’t wear ear buds, these are the only kind I can wear, I think Sarah’s been reading my blog or stalking me or physic, either way, I’m grateful because I broke my old ones and they look cute pink and bad ass.

The similarities end there. I got her scrapbooking things and a jump rope. I got myself one too, but she got the pink one. That scarf is a hot pink and according to me it goes with everything especially in my drafty office. I always see those, but never buy one for myself.

The flashlights are awesome, now I can’t say I can’t run outside because it’s dark. Awesome. LOL

And my absolute favorite is the insulated lunch bag. Lean Cuisine was having a giveaway, 20 special codes and you get a trendy lunch bag for free. So far I have one. Now I’ve since eaten more than 20 of those bad boys, but the code isn’t on all of them and I got sad thinking how I was not going to get one of those bags. I know I could have purchased one, but let’s be real, it’s different when it’s “free”, but not as good as when it’s a gift! And that heart shaped balloon is still at my messy desk.

Bad Boss

This morning as I drove in I knew things would go my way. I was a little ahead of schedule WITH my bag of air popped popcorn and I was ready for Friday. I got my Kashi Golden Goodness and had just enough milk and things were good. They were good until my boss came in with Krispy Kreme doughnuts. *sigh* I want to tell you I was strong and fought the good fight. But why lie, I lie enough, for instance my age is 30, I’ve been 30 for almost 16 months now. The only time I tell my real age is on cardio equipment and the government, oh and surveys. But I had some doughnuts, and they were good, I’m not proud. I’m not proud of eating them or what they made me do to the bathroom, but what’s done is done.

It looks like I’ll have the house to myself so I will probably do some videos and jump rope tonight and have more popcorn to counteract the glazed wrongness I enjoyed today. But before or after I tackle calculus? I think I’ll go hard on some applied calculus tonight and tomorrow and treat myself to SpaWorld tomorrow after class/studying. I can work out in the gym and then relax my cares away.

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Quick and Dirty

It was another, I could have done better day. I had a good breakfast and I barely drank my coffee. But then I had Texas chili for lunch and then 10 jelly beans. Well I after writing that I guess it wasn’t that bad. I had a large bowl of air popped popcorn, 4 dried apricots, a banana and 2 oatmeal cookies.

I wanted to work out today, but I finished two Stat homework assignments instead. I need to increase my water intake and eat better, but for right now I need to sleep.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Tuesday, is it Groundhog Day

Just like yesterday, I started off with Kashi Golden Goodness and fat free milk, regular milk I might add, much cheaper than lactaid and now I can have it since I was incorrectly diagnosed by my mother, who wasn’t a doctor, as being lactose intolerant, just some gallstones. I’m still excited about that expense being gone. There was also espresso with fat free half and half. Same thing I had yesterday morning. And then that freaking meeting from yesterday is apparently a 2 day meeting and I had a slice of coffee cake (A slice?), a slice and a half (really?), FINE-AH! Two slices but one of the slices was thin (Thin?) OMFG! It was thinner than the others, I think. As yeah, I had that with more coffee. Self control, where have you gone? I might have to do a detox to get rid of these cravings, goodness I don’t want to, but I think that’s what’s gonna have to happen and the sooner I accept that the sooner I can do it and the sooner I’ll be able to be more in control. Sooner sooner sooner… that better mean now brain.

I had a 6 inch turkey and pepper jack cheese sub from subway. Coming from NYC and spending time in Bethesda, MD I have come to the conclusion that subway is acceptable. Much like the NY style pizza down here (Northern Virginia/DC Metro Area), once you accept (oh of course this you can accept) that it will not be a hero or a deli sandwich and that the pizza crush will be chewy you start to enjoy the food for what it is and not hate it for what it is not. I’m pretty sure I defined settling in that statement, but what else am I to do? So back to my sub, after the meat and cheese it’s really just a salad on bread with light mayo and deli mayo and I enjoyed it with some more of that air popped popcorn. Yes, I am addicted to the popcorn, you can eat a lot of it with very little fat and calories and it has the crunch I need.

I have stayed away from the jelly beans today, so that’s good. I do however need to drink more water and get back to work. I’m still undecided on the gym tonight, although I think the TWO slices of coffee cake tell me I should try to work at least one of them off.

I’ve been a bad bad girl

I’ve been careless with calorie and sweets intake. Sorry, but I’ve always loved me some Fiona Apple and that still upset that fellow New Yorker was dismissed from American Idol (that’s how behind I am with TV, that was the last American Idol show I saw). As an Apple fan, I thought it was a good rendition of it. But then we’d get me started on the whole “You didn’t do anything with the song it was karaoke” and the “I didn’t even recognize the song, you changed it” statements that we’ve all known to be in the judges repertoire, but I digress and maybe with the new judges they’re singing a different tune. So, yesterday, Tuesday was a dozy of a day that I’ve repeated (I’ll tell you about that in the following post). I started tackling my filing project, we have no admin help and it’s March and I have no 2011 files, but a shitton of papers to go in them. Apparently I can’t put labels on files without jellybeans, which have become this Easter’s candy of choice. Ever since I was reintroduced to skittles, chewy sugary empty calories have become my down fall. Then there was the office meeting that was catered and anyone in an office knows that means free lunch. Half a croissant with cheese and mustard (not so bad) some chips (ehhh, could have done without chips, I had air popped popcorn that would have been a better alternative) oh and a cookie (a cookie?), 2 cookies (and?) a half of brownie, but not the one with nuts (well then that magically subtracts fat and calories from everything you just ate). And I felt awful after that and paid for it.

I head to class armed with 3 oz of air popped popcorn flavored with spray butter and some “slap yo’ mama” seasoning and a coke zero (awesome, you know they spell out the 0 so you don’t get it confused with the O in H2O because they’re not the same thing). I have mixed emotions about Coke Zero, I drink it, but I just don’t trust it, it was just the easiest free beverage to take with me and I was being lazy.

Class was good and short, since it was short I got giddy thinking about going home and being home and having “free time”. I was gonna go home and be lazy on the couch. On my way home, thank goodness I pass by my gym, I started thinking about someone I was less than fond of and was fuel to the fire I had at the beginning of this and that’s all it took for me to take the exit for my gym. The smartest thing I did was pack my car for multiple gym visits. And thought I would start off with a mile run and finish with one, with a good session on the elliptical. I got on the treadmill and I was not feeling it. Like my body wasn’t getting into the movement of running and it felt clumsy and I lasted just a little over 5 minutes.

Felling a little defeated I moved on to the elliptical and got into that groove. My goal was 500 calories and as I was about to reach 500 I noticed that I was at 4.5 miles and I changed my goal to 5 miles and when I was close to 5 miles I noticed I was close to 600 calories and changed my goal. As I was getting close to 600 I noticed that time was running out and I couldn’t increase my time anymore. If I was going to get 599 calories I would have been pissed, but I didn’t!

So I had a bit of redemption, but then had some lasagna when I got home. I’m just not in control, and as much as I want to acknowledge the workout I did, I don’t feel it’s appropriate until I’m back in control.

Last Post's Comment:
Doc, I'm glad Super nanny is still super and that co-worker has calmed down, but I'm sorry for your loss and I wish you had the time to deal with it and be with family now. Although I get the impression that the people around you would understand, I know that sometimes the crappy hard choice is the "right" choice. You and your family are in my thoughts. NEVER GIVE UP!

Monday, March 21, 2011

I'm here, I'm here

There been a lot of emotional crap that has happened in the past couple of weeks and while I want to tell all, I’m just not comfortable with expressing it. I’m the type of person that internalizes it and try to work it out on my own. I don’t think I even know how to freely rely on another person comfortably. So with that said, I’m in a weird mind space and I’m working through some things that are a bit bigger than I ate that cookie.

But on to better things. On Friday I left work “early” (at 4, I already had 40 hours by 11am)and went to the gym. Did I have a calculus take home test to take? Yes. Was it due Saturday morning? Yes? Was it the wisest thing to do, going to the gym and working out? Yes. Why? Because I needed it and I missed it. The gym trip unfolded nicely. I was on the elliptical for a little over 20 minutes and I noticed the Friday Zumba class was starting and I thought, that should be fun and I’m over my 250, passed my half way point, I’m sure I’ll burn 250 calories in an hour of Zumba.

I prefer the Zumba classes that have a Spanish soundtrack. I don’t know why, but when its rap it just feels like one of those Bally classes (nothing against those classes) that try to teach you the latest moves so you can go to any hip hop club and impress. Which is never what happens by the way; I’ve never seen anyone win a dance off with Bally Hip Hop class moves. Maybe the Dominican in me, but I salsa music just makes you want to move more. I’m still uncomfortable watching myself doing those moves, it just looks wrong an awkward.

When class was done, I asked about the old school salsa song and the cumbia song that was played, the two slow songs I might add, but they’re great songs. Cali Pachanguero and Mil Horas respectively. I was feeling good and pumped after the class, while it was fun, I didn’t give it my all, not like the last class I went to with T at her gym, the teacher was just that good. Not that this teacher wasn’t good, that teacher was amazing. So I still had some more gas in the tank and I want to get back to where I was so I got on the treadmill and see what I could do. And I ran this:

My speed was under 5 the whole time, but it felt good to run again and my knee wasn’t hurting, but it could be better. That was Friday and it’s Monday and my knees don’t seem to be worse for the run; which is great news. I think it’s time to invest in some new running shoes, my current sneakers are years old and are torn up inside. It’s time for new shoes and running outside. My friend E has been running outside so I might see if she wouldn’t mind if I tagged along with her on one of her outdoor runs If anyone who’s started out on a treadmill and then ran outside know that there is a whole hell of a lot of a difference. Since starting back running (yes I’m declaring a comeback after 2 small runs) I’ve tried to treat it more like an outdoor run I don’t bounce as much, I keep my steps low to the ground because you don’t over much ground hopping along.

I always feel like I’ve had a good workout be the amount of sweat that’s in (on?) my clothes when I take them off. I had a good workout and I will spare you from a picture, but I sweat here you sweat, I promise you. Kind of makes the stretching I did on the floor kind of awkward. But I still can’t do a bunch of squats and power squats are still a few weeks away I think and lunges feel wrong on my knees. I’m not pleased at how slow that’s going because everyone says squats are the best thing you can do and there’s no better sore than squat sore.

My goals for this week are to log my food and stay under 1300 calories and workout at least 3 times and blog at least once a day. I’ve let school and work take over and while I want to spend more time on school work I want to spend less time on work. But I’ll save that for another post.

I would like to take moment to spot light my latest obsession:

I’ve been a die hard 0% honey Fage girl, but I decided to branch out and one I had the blueberry one it was over, I was in love. I hope to find the mango flavored one because I love mangos. I also hope to find a comparable blueberry preserves so I can get the large plain Fage yogurts.

Past Post’s Comments:

Ms H, it was a good workout. I was concerned that when I went back to the gym it would be like starting back at one. But I still have the stamina to complete the cardio and I’m glad that restarting running wasn’t like when I first started running. I would have gone through C25K, but I’m glad I don’t have to. And I’m looking forward to reading your post on your trip!

Doc, you know what I missed you a lot too and I felt bad every time I was going to post and didn’t. I was like “Man, I bet doc things I gave up and don’t care about her or me anymore, but I do. What’s her super nanny making her this week and what belt is she up to now? And is that jealous coworker of hers giving her any trouble, she better not if she knows what’s good for her.” LOL

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Where are my posts?

All in my head. Every time I thought to post something came up. A Stat class project, then a final or an applied calculus quiz. Or my favorite, it just didn’t seem right to blog about weight loss while eating Chipotle or a Drake’s ding dong.

Let me speak on the Ding Dong for a moment because I feel it deserves some recognition. Drakes products in itself will always have a special place in my heart, they are the pastries I grew up on in the Bronx back in the day, just like I will lose all control for the Wise brand chip, especially their cheese doodles and cheese puffs. They are my weakness and when I find them I lose myself. So these Ding Dongs, I put the first one in my mouth and ate it slow making noises akin to the adult movie soundtracks. It was so very good. And then I finished the box chasing that high. Of course it didn’t happen, but I tried my best to recapture it with that box. They were a mistake, along with the Chipotle, delicious, but they didn’t help me one bit.

I have returned to the gym, but it’s been sporadic at best. I was letting my work load (no worker bees or worker gnomes did my work while I was out so there was plenty to be done and everybody’s request was the most important thing in my life and oh so urgent...for me to do, not them, we all have access to the same information) and my class work monopolize my time. It wasn’t until I was on the phone with my friend and she was sore from her gym visit and I was filled with so much jealousy I just needed to get that feeling back, so off tot h gym I went to see what I could still do. My first day back was Thursday and let me tell you. It was awesome. I felt like me gain. I warmed up on the treadmill and after a minute I decided to open it up and do a little run and it felt amazing to run again. I was smiling so hard. I was able to run without pain and I could breathe.

Then I burned my 500 on the elliptical and I was going to do some floor work, but I wanted more. So I went to the empty studio and jumped rope for a bit. I can still do that as well as I could before, not consistent, but I have good stretches of jumping. And then I thought, how about some squats. I managed 2 reps of 10 squats with 5 pulses in the basement. Not my highest count, but I felt it for days after. I managed 20 pushups and 50 crunches, again, not what I was doing before I stopped, but more than what I had done the day before.

I had plans to go back to LA boxing this past weekend, but I caught the spring cleaning bug and tackled the dresser tops in my room. They are orderly, but I’m a girl, there’s crap there. And I hung up my first race number to inspire and remind me of what I can do and what I want to do. But cleaning sore was an experience and I smiled while I suffered through the pain.

I managed to get to the gym on Monday, I ran a little and burned my 500+, 50 crunches and 20 of the deepest pushups I can remember doing.
I also cooldown with a anther short run to get my body use to it again.

At this point I’m just trying to figure out how to balance school, work and me. So far there hasn’t been much time for me.