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This isn't cute anymore:

I’m 31, the new 30 and I’m closer to my goal than when I started this blog. Now I’m trying to stay on the path that will get me healthy and on the other side of the clothing store. I’ve had my revenge moments and they felt great. Now I’m ready for more of those great moments, maybe this year I’ll propel down something, who knows. But I’m held back by 40 less things.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

I’ve been a bad bad girl

I’ve been careless with calorie and sweets intake. Sorry, but I’ve always loved me some Fiona Apple and that still upset that fellow New Yorker was dismissed from American Idol (that’s how behind I am with TV, that was the last American Idol show I saw). As an Apple fan, I thought it was a good rendition of it. But then we’d get me started on the whole “You didn’t do anything with the song it was karaoke” and the “I didn’t even recognize the song, you changed it” statements that we’ve all known to be in the judges repertoire, but I digress and maybe with the new judges they’re singing a different tune. So, yesterday, Tuesday was a dozy of a day that I’ve repeated (I’ll tell you about that in the following post). I started tackling my filing project, we have no admin help and it’s March and I have no 2011 files, but a shitton of papers to go in them. Apparently I can’t put labels on files without jellybeans, which have become this Easter’s candy of choice. Ever since I was reintroduced to skittles, chewy sugary empty calories have become my down fall. Then there was the office meeting that was catered and anyone in an office knows that means free lunch. Half a croissant with cheese and mustard (not so bad) some chips (ehhh, could have done without chips, I had air popped popcorn that would have been a better alternative) oh and a cookie (a cookie?), 2 cookies (and?) a half of brownie, but not the one with nuts (well then that magically subtracts fat and calories from everything you just ate). And I felt awful after that and paid for it.

I head to class armed with 3 oz of air popped popcorn flavored with spray butter and some “slap yo’ mama” seasoning and a coke zero (awesome, you know they spell out the 0 so you don’t get it confused with the O in H2O because they’re not the same thing). I have mixed emotions about Coke Zero, I drink it, but I just don’t trust it, it was just the easiest free beverage to take with me and I was being lazy.

Class was good and short, since it was short I got giddy thinking about going home and being home and having “free time”. I was gonna go home and be lazy on the couch. On my way home, thank goodness I pass by my gym, I started thinking about someone I was less than fond of and was fuel to the fire I had at the beginning of this and that’s all it took for me to take the exit for my gym. The smartest thing I did was pack my car for multiple gym visits. And thought I would start off with a mile run and finish with one, with a good session on the elliptical. I got on the treadmill and I was not feeling it. Like my body wasn’t getting into the movement of running and it felt clumsy and I lasted just a little over 5 minutes.

Felling a little defeated I moved on to the elliptical and got into that groove. My goal was 500 calories and as I was about to reach 500 I noticed that I was at 4.5 miles and I changed my goal to 5 miles and when I was close to 5 miles I noticed I was close to 600 calories and changed my goal. As I was getting close to 600 I noticed that time was running out and I couldn’t increase my time anymore. If I was going to get 599 calories I would have been pissed, but I didn’t!

So I had a bit of redemption, but then had some lasagna when I got home. I’m just not in control, and as much as I want to acknowledge the workout I did, I don’t feel it’s appropriate until I’m back in control.

Last Post's Comment:
Doc, I'm glad Super nanny is still super and that co-worker has calmed down, but I'm sorry for your loss and I wish you had the time to deal with it and be with family now. Although I get the impression that the people around you would understand, I know that sometimes the crappy hard choice is the "right" choice. You and your family are in my thoughts. NEVER GIVE UP!

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