Natural Hair

This isn't cute anymore:

I’m 31, the new 30 and I’m closer to my goal than when I started this blog. Now I’m trying to stay on the path that will get me healthy and on the other side of the clothing store. I’ve had my revenge moments and they felt great. Now I’m ready for more of those great moments, maybe this year I’ll propel down something, who knows. But I’m held back by 40 less things.

Thursday, May 26, 2011


I'm so cranky I don't even want a cookie! More to come tomorrow about my trip.

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Cocktails or Cardio?

I’d rather have both, but I had cardio. The place I go to that separates my eyebrow into two separate entities s right next door to my gym (which is right next door to a Dairy Queen) and of course I was there the day before my trip so I could have 2 distinct eyebrows. Luckily my car contained at the very least one and a half workout outfits I dragged myself in.

I’m not at the same level I was at when I was going regularly, but wanted to push myself and I wanted to quit after minute 3. But I didn’t, those numbers are helpful, but boy was I feeling it. I got to 432 calories burned in a very long 35 minutes session. Next time I will do a less intense program.

So that number is super close to 500 calories, the number I like to see at the end of my cardio time, it’s a nice round number that can cancel out a bad choice. So I got on the treadmill to finish up my 500.

I went because I was right there and it feels wrong to not go if I’m that close to it and I was a little stressed about my upcoming trip and having to get ready for it. I know it seems counterproductive to use that getting ready time for some gym time, but it felt right.

Oh! Finnaly some healthy snacks on the ledge! They don't look or taste great but it's a step in the right direction.

Last Post’s Comments Responses:

Definingmore, I think you’re talking about this section. I thought of it because there are so many blogs I follow and comment on, but don’t get to see the writers response. Plus I enjoy the comments and don’t want someone you cared enough to comment to feel like I didn’t read or appreciate their comment.

Doc, I will put the bay tour on the list of things to do. I’m hoping t do some shopping and sightseeing, I know that I am going to Little Havana. For dinner we went to Bongo’s, Gloria Estafan’s restaurant and all I know, besides that food was amazingly good is that I will pay the 8 dollars to use the hotel gym.

Thursday, May 19, 2011


Today was an okay day. I’m trying to get ready for my trip so that always means a ton of work to do. I had coffee for breakfast and thin crust pizza for lunch. So not so great with the food, but that’s all I had and whatever I eat next will be fruit/vegetable and water. The beauty of having a cube tucked away is that I still believe the sun is out and while it is almost 8:30 and I have a few more errands to run I can possibly squeeze in a workout. But let’s be honest, I’ll be lucky if I get my errands ran before I’m ready to go look at my laundry and will it to be done. Oh, if only…

Now for some pictures of how I’m trying to help myself around the office:

Not reads: “Stephanie, these are not for you. You know why” and I do, I do know why. I don't know why these even need to exist. Thank are all gone and I will never know how terrible they tasted.

Note on chocolates read: “The hell you are”
Same lady with the donuts bought in the Dove chocolates. And these peanuts eat up my daily fat allowance. Off to the side is my scale, but still.

Last Post’s Comments Responses:

Doc, I plan to eat them out of fresh fruit and rice and beans, brown rice and beans. Any suggestions? I’m going to left on my own during the day, so I’d like something fun to do. I’m going to little Havana and was wondering if there’s anything else I should put on my list. I look forward to the hotel’s gym. It’s a fancy hotel and that means fancy gym equipment that I can plug my iPhone into!

Treading Lightly, thanks, I will try to take pictures to post!

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Doc, What's this salty wet stuff on my face?

I’m not going to lie, I’m fighting back tears. Oh that Doc! It meas a lot that she took time to notice lil ole me. But seriously, thanks. That was very sweet of you to mention me in your blog, as always, you rick and not just because you are a green belt and can kick my ass, but because you are awesome.

I saw the number of comments and thought “oh, there must be a bunch of that double entry thing going on” But no, people care and showed their support. Thank you all. It makes it easier to not feel alone, I know I’m not the first to kind of come to in a slightly tight shirt and say “WTF!” But it makes it less scary and more possible. This is one of the reasons I came back to the blog world. Here we read and we relate to one another and we support in a way that’s missing in our “real” lives. We celebrate each pound loss for our friends and sympathize over every ounce gained.

On to some good news, I decided to bite the bullet (fat free and calorie free, just low carbs) and buy a plane ticket to accompany my cousin on her business trip to…Miami! Yes! I will be in Miami Saturday afternoon. I will also be in Miami in dresses and bathing suits. I will be hoping that the pictures of Miami are not accurate and the people with a MBI of more than 15 are in Miami, in dresses and bathing suits because I will be and I don’t want to e alone. I’m already going to have to convince my cousin on this, but if they aren’t all bathing suit models I’ll only be talking one person into this.

I have tracked my food and I wish I updated it earlier. After this yogurt I have 339 calories and a 3 hour Spanish class to sit through. Aha! Air popped popcorn, YES!

I have to keep it short because I have to get on the road to said 3 hour Spanish class. I would update later but from my facebook update “Verizon sucks donkey balls, massive “dude you should get that looked at” older than dirt donkey, from the second rate donkey show balls” you will know that I still have no internet access at my house.

Last Post’s Comments replies:

You know Doc, it feels good to be back. You are too sweet, your blog mad me cry, for good reason. And you’re right, I know those things and every once in a while we need to hear them again. Shaking it off, thanks.

Deiningmore, I barely survived, 2 weeks before the end I was ready to just say fuck it and them I got my test and projects back and they were good grades so I kept going. It was like seeing you lost a pound after a hellish week.

Treading Lightly, I like that, just being accountable for the actions not the results, I’m going to put that on a post it by my bathroom mirror. I think that even if I don’t eat well or excerise I will always make time to read blogs, it was a silly way to punish myself.

E Jane, boy did those pounds pile up. It hought I would try to lose the gained weight then come back like nothing happened. Silly I know, but that was my plan. And perfect and weight loss just shouldn’t be uttered together, ever.

Karla, it’s good to be back!

Wasiting Time, I wonder if we could market a “diet” of blogging.

Michele, I can do this, I am doing this! And by golly people like me! (that last part was from an old SNL skit, but it fits)

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Should I break this entry up or just post all of it?

I’ve been contemplating my return to my blog for weeks now. At first I was anxious about losing readers. Not wholly because it gave me a warm and fuzzy feeling when I saw that it wasn’t just me and my cousin looking at this page (although she has admitted that she hasn’t read it with any kind of regularity), but because I knew it was a tool that helped me stay on track. When I don’t blog I deny myself reading the blogs I love and follow, so I fell out of step and touch with everyone and my goal. To lose all this extra weight and be healthy (to be hot, I really just want to be that hot girl who’s guy can’t believe she’s letting him be with her – cutting through the bullshit, that’s what I want…and to not ALMOST not believe he’s letting me be with him).
Now I shall regale you with some excuses as to why I’ve not blogged, worked out, eaten right, read a blog and binged eat like they were going to stop frying food, using sugar, making chocolate and being available to me.

The first excuse I’m offering is I was taking a full course load, a full 12 credits while working full time and the classes were Applied Calculus, Statistics I , Statistics 2 and Excel (which I saved for the last three weeks because it was an online course and I am clearly not the disciplined sort). That’s a lot of hard math! My grades respectively B, C, B and B, not bad, not A’s; And yes I see that I’m not acknowledging the good of not failing and getting 3 above average grades in difficult courses. I can walk away with the ability to reject or not reject all types of data tests, Z, T and F tests and find their intervals at a given significance level (using my TI-83 of course, long ways is for when you’re trapped on a deserted island) and I can do the Power Rule forwards and backwards (backwards it’s called the integral…don’t forget to add “+ C” to the end) and the Chain, Product and Quotient rules. But during the learning of all this I stopped going to the gym, to study? Sometimes and study food is not grown, not if you really want that knowledge to sink in.

Another one I’m offering up has some merit. I’m not 100% sure about my knees. I’ve run a few times and they’ve “felt” a way. The clicking is almost completely gone – I think I have a life time of glucosamine ahead of me (awesome), but it’s doing the job. Since the semester ended (it ended Saturday, May 7, 2011 at 1:53pm – the time at which I emailed my Applied Calculus take home test) I’ve been to the gym about 3 times and ran a straight mile each time and I can still walk. I think it may be time to stop babying myself on this one. Yeah. It’s time.

My least favorite and probably core reason, I was just flat out eating my emotions. I ate stress and sadness. Sorry, but that’s really I want to say about that.

Okay, my binge eating. Let’s see, what were my “reasons” for allowing that bullshit to happen. The first one was “I have the house to myself; I can eat whatever I want”. I used that one as recently as Sunday, when I had the house to myself and had tres leche cake. That wasn’t even that good, but I ate it. My sister has taken to spend the weekend at her boyfriend’s house with her daughter leaving me alone and left to my own devices. Which is buy something I shouldn’t eat and then something else, get home, take off pants and bra at front door, leaving them there to symbolize freedom and then watch Tivo and stuff my face a little past when I can still taste what I’m eating. I’ve noticed this and spoke about it with a co-worker who despite the way she looks has problems with food. It helps when someone knows what you’ve been doing because you can’t deny it if more than just you know. I’m trying to reign in the eating and not buying junk food which is what I binge on, not that anyone would think I meant carrot sticks and low fat yogurt. But what would it be like?

“You know what I could go for right now? Some carrot sticks, man that would hit the spot! “ or “Would you judge me if I got a huge bowl of carrot sticks and celery?” “Tonight, all I want to do is read this book on how to be fiscally responsible and just eat whole bag of baby carrots by myself…I’m satisfied”

Then there was the time I had a quarter of a Philly Cheese steak from Philly. Reason: It’s from Philly, when will I get a chance to have this again. Reality: Probably always, of all the states, Pennsylvania (almost put Philly) ain’t succeeding nothing and that city is too proud of their cheese steak to stop making them, seeing how the whole “they’re not healthy” aspect hasn’t slowed down production I doubt they’re going anywhere anytime soon. I call serious bullshit on that excuse/reason.

I’m sure there were other gems that couldn’t hold that liquid I should be drinking more of. And all of this has gotten me here. Mad at myself with my pants unbuttoned and at 236. I’m also disappointed. Here I am in my last semester at community college about to complete the longest 2 year degree ever and all I feel is disappointment in myself, fear that this slippery slope (also called a derivative) is not close to ending and anger. I’m angry because this is not where I want to be and because I know it’s going to be harder to get back on track. I’ve had a couple of what I call false starts, but what other choice do I have? Have they seriously not come up with that magic pill yet? What was the down side to Phen Phen again, my college roommate swore by it…but also said it made her a raging bitch, or assertive?

So what do I do now?

Well I’m not going to make any promises, but I am going to set goals. My goals will include working out, tracking my food and blogging (reading and writing).
For the remainder of May, I will work out 3-5 times a week, each workout should include a 1 mile run and should burn at least 500 calories. I will track all the food I put in my body, blog each weekday, once a weekend. Read the blogs I follow for inspiration (I’d love to do this at home, but I’m in a fight with Verizon, again)