Seems like I just blinked and the week is almost over. I’m starting to get to the “no one’s going to die” stage of being off for a week and also the “Shit, what if I don’t wake up after surgery or they discover I have an undetected heart problem, is that a pain in my chest?” stage of surgery. One stage is clearly more awesome than the other.
Salsa dancing was fun; I forgot how much I enjoyed it and how much I need to learn to be better at it. It’s a bit different than dancing with your Tia in the kitchen I’ll tell you that much. I did however, not get winded or as tired as I use to and I felt more comfortable moving my body and having my dance partner touching me and my belly. I also got glimpse of myself in a mirror and I’m looking kinda hot, I’m starting to enjoy my body as it is now. I better because March will be a better month for me, I just know it. I’m excited to get healthier and to lose more weight and to wear smaller cuter clothes. I very much want the cuter clothes and no muffin top. Oh, I’m dreaming big now, to have no muffin top would be wonderful, I’d tuck in every shirt into my pants or skirt. LOL
My eating’s been good; today I kept it light because I went to dinner. I had a honey crisp apple for the first time and it was wonderfully sweet and crisp, it’s not a misnomer. I also had a Korean pear, 2 bananas and I finally branched out with the fage Greek yogurt, I got the 2% cherry, this too is good, good to know. Dinner was an expensive buffet, a last supper of sorts. It was a Brazilian meat extravaganza. I say it was expensive because I got a little of everything, except the ribs, I had 2 ribs and white rice and beans. It was hard for me to ask for smaller servings and harder for the waiters to do so; I think they just didn’t understand why I wasn’t trying to get them to leave the whole stick of meat. Oh there were a lot of dirty jokes told. But it was tasty and that’s all I really needed, my tummy is satisfied, not stuffed or full.
So last night was bad, after class I had an emotion eating binge. Here’s what my trigger was. As I was driving home, I started thinking about going to the hospital and I started crying. Well not at first, I fought those tears hard until there was a ringing in my ears and tears were standing in my eyes. When I blinked they just flowed. I’m really not looking forward to being in there; I don’t have fond memories of going to the hospital. But then I started thinking that I’m probably going to be scared and cry, but my friend would be there and I don’t want to cry in front of her and make her sad and cry. I would hate to do that to her, but there’s not much I can do about that. I cry at the dentist. But I just don’t understand why I’m so against crying in front of people. Anyone else have this issue? Is it from talking the “don’t cry, stop crying” when I was a child too seriously? Who knows? So I get home and have a little spaghetti and then it hits. I grab the Doritos and just go for it. At first they were good and then they were crunchy and I wanted to crunch them and then I just stopped tasting them, but I still ate more. I hate ending the night with an eating binge, especially when it’s been a good day.
But it’s another day and I acknowledge my fault and issue and I just hope to not do it again. So I’m back to work I just wanted to share a bit.
Last Post’s Comments:
Sarah, I would have gone ape shit on Valentines if I could. When I went to the Salsa class there were like 15 girls and 3 guys and it didn’t get better. I laughed and thought, “Wow, this is just like my life, shortage of guys and the ones that are here are talking to some other girls”. And while I was bitter I will openly admit in this semi anonymous blog, that there was a part of me that would have died for some rom-com romantic gesturer from my crush, something sweet and slightly bitter. But atlas life is not a movie.
Doc, yes that is cheesy, but I’m sure it’s true, I must not be ready and while I’m awfully fond of myself I wouldn’t say it’s an out and out love. As for pies, I rebut fruit pies, cooked fruit is an abomination and I just can’t stomach the weird texture taste of it. And I’ve been staying away from the candy. I’ve been telling people that it’s back in my area and they have to try it out because it’s an automatic feeder, it’s almost gone.
VickyFF, LOL I’m glad you are entertained, nice scarves, I dabble in knitting and I only know how to knit scarves, but thanks.