I just got back from a long weekend away and apparently I was really fucking fat. I know I’ve lost weight because of the scale and the number on my jeans, but honestly, I don’t really see it. And I try really hard to see it, I bought a full length mirror to see it and I don’t really see it yet. I haven’t seen most of these people for a year and some not since March (which is when I got serious) and they were all impressed and happy for the weight I lost. It felt good and weird to hear “Wow, you really look great” I was happy it was noticeable, but since I still feel fat I couldn’t help but wonder if I was some obsessed woman rolling around the place last year. Do any of you feel that way?
I remember some years ago while shopping, seeing a pair of pants and thinking they would fit, they didn’t and I realized I don’t have a realistic body image. I don’t think I have a disorder, I just don’t have a sense of the space my body takes up. I’d be interested in a workshop where you have to pick your silhouettes out of a bunch of different ones.
Speaking of my long weekend away, I did well, like impressively well. I wanted to workout as soon as we arrived to loosen up my legs from the 4 hour car ride, but the party was underway and there were people to see and things to help with so we jumped right in and went out for dinner and I split an entrée and didn’t touch the bread. The next morning I woke up early and hit the gym and it felt really good to get it out of the way before anyone could try to talk me out of it. My travel mates were impressed or thought I was crazy. I decided to avoid the Trenton burger and just not eat the Pork Roll, something nice about not being swollen. On Sunday the gym which is also the office was locked and the gym rat in me made note of the LA Fitness we passed getting off the exit, so I borrowed a car and paid a large day pass fee – 15 bucks to do my first ever consecutive 10 minute run, TWICE!. Holy hell, who knew I could run for 10 minutes, not me that’s for sure. I finished up with some arms and forgot to stretch and took a nice long shower. I got back before those bumps on a log even knew I was gone.
I tried to eat light because I new I’d be drinking and I think it worked out well. Unfortunately I have yet to get back into the swing of things, not even a one a day for this girl, woke up late and had to do some car stuff for lunch and I will be working late tonight. I think I’ve eaten well, a salad with low sodium tuna with light ranch dressing, followed by some jelly belly’s, I had a hankering and I’m going to have a kasha meal and some veggies for dinner. I need something fast so I can unpack from my trip and pack my gym bag for tomorrow. I’m aiming for 2-a-days when I can to fit into this dress and to prove to myself that I can be active and to just see how far I can push my body because I’ve never pushed myself this way before and it feels good. Push it real good!