T minus 30, Longest Wednesday Yet

Thanks Doc, I’m confidant everything will go fine. I just get emotional and down when I’m sick because it’s when I miss my mom the most and feel like I would feel better if she was here, but she’s not and then I feel worse. That’s the real reason why I hate being sick, who’s going to make my tea? It’s just not the same and I tend to be a little all or nothing on that and tend to shut down and just want to alone.

So on to today, the first day in my birthday month (12/6) and the first day in a new month. And I started off well with cheerios and then I had a cookie in my mouth and this is after not working out last night. I’m not pleased with myself at all. I had 3 chocolate chip cookies and then a little honey mustard dressing with my salad. I dip my fork in the dressing instead of pouring it on the salad. I returned it when it came with those fresh buttery croutons and cheese. I felt like the devil was behind them adding that to my salad even though I ordered it without it. It would have been much easier to just eat it instead of going all the way back and exchanging it, should have checked before I left.

I got excited about my knee earlier because the toilets in the bathrooms at work require 2 flushes for everything and I usually do squats or something while I wait. I tested out a squat and I heard nothing and felt nothing. I was super jazzed thinking that I would buy new running shoes this weekend and go for a run. Then I stepped up on a curb and heard it. *sigh* Is this punishment for not running when I could? It’s just easier to eat right when I work out and I think my other knee is getting pissed at having to do more of the work. I have another doctor’s appointment tomorrow, a physical and I’m putting that on the top of my list of complaints. Yes, complaints against my body.

I’ll have to tally up my calorie damage later and come up with this month’s goals after my niece’s Brownie troop bazaar.

T minus 31, Tuesday Consult this

Dr Fit was right numerous means too many to count and we’re taking your gallbladder. I must say I’ve enjoyed all of the doctors and their staff that I’ve dealt with during this. They couldn’t be nicer, just wish it wasn’t expensive to get something done you don’t want done.

My cousin wanted to know why my sister wasn’t going with me and to I was honest, I only wanted to worry about me today. To say I’m not looking forward to this is an understatement. But I have time to come to terms with it, it’s just scary. And I do not like hospitals, good thing I most likely will not have to spend the night. I’m also I’m not in constant pain and it isn’t urgent, and that I have health insurance and an FSA to put my portion of the cost into.

When I left the office and got the info I needed I had to fight the urge to eat my emotions at the burger king, McDonald’s, taco bell and Popeye’s. I had my kasha meal, but I did break and broke hard. I ate my stress and anxiety in the form of 2 glazed donuts (it was the same cost if I just got one and sharing wasn’t an option after I took a bite of the second one and a tall eggnog latte (I’ve stopped getting a grande) oh and 2 snicker minis, I just wanted to have chocolate coat my mouth. If it were possible to have fried chocolate that’s what I would have had (if fried chocolate is possible DO NOT tell me about it). I knew what I was doing and didn’t/couldn’t stop myself. Now I’m really full drinking water and feeling sluggish. But I have my gym clothes and will put this food in the journal because I’m being accountable and I can’t hide from it.

On a fitness note, I am really enjoying yoga, I’m not that limber, but I always feel good and relaxed after. I like it at the end of a good cardio session.

RRPAF: Random Ramblings Post About Feelings

I don’t like apple pie, I’ve tried, it’s a no go on cooked fruit especially in pie form; awesome one less dessert to be destroyed by me. And I can only describe my feeling towards him as that slice of apple pie I want. There is no reason for it; I cannot make sense of it at all. I know the argument about the heart/feelings not being rational, but come on! It goes against everything I thought I knew about myself, so much so that I’ve told no one that knows him or would ever know him, you guys and my cousin who knows all my secrets. This is hard because sometimes I get an urge to just talk about him, so this is my outlet and here goes.
Do you think he likes me? I wonder what he’s doing. Should I call him? Or text him? I’d poke him on facebook, but that will get real dirty real fast. Why isn’t he trying to get with this, doesn’t he know how awesome I am? Because I’m awesome, I’d be an awesome as hell girlfriend…or needier than either of us is comfortable with. Oh, just so we’re clear, he has done nothing wrong or broken my heart and he does know I exist. LOL I’m glad I got all of that out. And I will close this entry with my favorite “Girl, forget him” poem.

Heart, we will forget him!

Heart, we will forget him!
You an I, tonight!
You may forget the warmth he gave,
I will forget the light.

When you have done, pray tell me
That I my thoughts may dim;
Haste! lest while you're lagging.
I may remember him!
-Emily Dickinson

T minus 32, Monday

Just another manic Monday, sing it with me.

Woke up with 12 minutes to get out the door, decided today I would be dropping my niece off at school because we are not making the bus. I am hopeful and pack a gym bag. I don’t think LA Boxing is where I should be, but there’s an elliptical with my name on it and a yoga mat that needs to be broken in some more.

I also recorded my food and that also tells me that I need to take my butt to the gym; I need to burn these extra calories and fast. I use to be on the elliptical every day for at least 30 minutes and it would give me a tangible number, not a guestimate. I pray for pain free knees. While in the bathroom, I did I squat and it sounds better, not 100%, but I figure the elliptical would be easy on my knees and if not, I’ll be blasting the guns and abs.

UPDATE:
33 calories away from goal, but I'm sure i made that up in Yoga.

T minus 33 Sunday

I woke up early again, no use in getting use to sleeping in until my life of leisure is confirmed by my marriage to an ultra wealthy man whose greatest joy is my happiness. A while back my friends and I signed up for Living Social deal, 4 Yoga sessions and a spa treatment. And they expire soon, so today was the first day of our yoga classes. It was different than the Yoga classes I’ve been to before, she read passages from a book. I enjoyed it nevertheless, but I was lusting after the gym and the equipment. It was the fancy kind of place with robes, towels and toiletries for your use, in case you forgot something, not just that green soap that’s also shampoo and conditioner and body wash. Next time I’m going to see about going early to get in some time on those fancy machines and stay late and use everything they put out, twice. Maybe just stay long in the steam room.

After we stretch and centered ourselves we when out for brunch and this is when I completely lost my ever loving mind. I ordered, and I hand to God I saw nothing wrong with this, stuffed pancakes. Stuffed with what? Bacon. Bacon stuffed fluffy made by God’s grandma pancakes with syrup. They were delicious; I regret nothing, except the nap it induced and the weight it’s added to me.

I got home and had a list of things to do, but the couch called to me and I answered, “Yes, dear I will spend the afternoon with you, but just for a little while, I have so much to do.” Cut to 4 hours later and I’m waking up and its dark out and I’m just motivated enough to have more sides over white rice and carry myself up to bed.

T minus 34 Saturday

Right now as I reflect on Saturday I think the only thing I recall is that I loved all of the sides and pie a little too much. I was supposed to have family over, but they never came and then I was suppose to go out, but I washed my hair instead and then went all out on the girlie stuff. Cracked open a bottle of wine, deep conditioned my hair, Mary Kayed my face with the microderm abrasion set (I’m a “beauty consultant”) and satin handed my hands and feet and then did a full body scrub. I’ve never been softer or with less skin before in my life and it felt wonderful.

I also watched Leap Year. Sweet Jesus! I blame that movie for what happened to the wine. Now I’m all for a good Rom Com (Love Actually season is upon us), but even for me it was a bit much. I’ve also recently seen When in Rome and I think that was worse because there was no Irish accent to tickle my ears.

All in all I sexfoliated myself and was a bump on a log with rollers and wine and it was good.

T Minus 35, Black Friday

And waited some more. 4am was not early enough as there were people who were there on Wednesday, one of whom were BEHIND me in line, he stopped to get a cart before finding the computer line, I figured I would figure a way. So I get in the store and am ushered to another line, a slow moving line. I have my ad I know what I’m getting I’m ready. By hour 2 I’m annoyed with the people in front of me. It was an interchanging family, which I didn’t believe, but they all dropped out so it was like they didn’t exist. And then there was the older guy who kept leering at the younger girl of the interchanging family and he seemed to be the hall monitor. We were in the isles people were shopping, not trying to cut in front of you.

Around 2.5 hours I remember that iPhone has Netflix watch it now and I decide to revisit She-Ra and sat on the floor and nodded off every oncve in a while. Then we got to the spilt, left to TVs right to computers, more sitting, more waiting more of the hall monitor calling the staff on voucher sellers. Those little urchins were up early. Hour 3 I go back to music and make a seat out of a display. Hour 3.5 I sit on the bottom shelf and I’m amazed that I fit, can hug my knees and can get up.

Magical moment, I get to the head of the line, I see where I tell the employee what I want and they give it to me and send me to check out, sweet lord yes, no additional line to stand in I’m over the moon, until the line enforcer tells us they are out of Toshibas. What the fuck you mean you’re out of Toshibas? I don’t remember life not in this line, but I know my purpose was to get this Toshiba, Jonathan. I said that on the inside, but told him I was furious and I may or may not knock something over and start an uprising. I quickly scanned the ad and found the better model for 50 more and asked if they had that and they did and that is what I got so I spent a little more than I intended, but got a good laptop for it, which is still in the box.

I got home around 10 after an unbelievably quick stop at Wal-Mart and took a nap before I meet up with a friend for lunch. It turned out to be her birthday and it turned into a walk through a mall and trying on ridiculous clothes and we patted ourselves on the back for not losing it and not crying. Well, we cried a little when we saw that Hilary Duff wrote a book and read the jacket.

Still full from the Pho I was in bed by 7 and asleep shortly thereafter.