I left a word doc open to catch my thoughts

9:17
Decided against the creamer in the coffee, but wished I had peppermint schnapps. ‘Tis the season.

10:12
Last blog I read then I really need to focus harder

10:58am
Just made plans to meet up with Céline at 5:30 to go get our packets and run. No part of me is looking forward to this, but she seems so happy about it. Oh how the tables have turned

12:06

Made absent mind lunch decision, egg salad, really now?

12:30
Going away cake, what!?!

1:19
Feeling the effects of lunch, I have to start planning and bring my lunch into work. Chicken and vegetables is a quick easy fix.

3:03
Drinking some sparkling water, I really do need to drink more water. Was that a back spasm? Note to self. Add back exercises to pending workouts.

4:25
While changing into workout clothes realized I was wearing the black pants that made me feel like a “Biscuit in a can”, but I didn’t feel like a “biscuit in a can”.

4:26
Realized blogging was magic

4:30
Realized I have no running shoes, GRRRR!

5:25
Decided to leave work and go put some order in my home and prepare for tomorrow. Clear the floor and do some floor work.

You comment, I comment:

Thanks Ms H! I’m excited about it, despite the big ass hill. You’re looking lovely as ever, I like the hair! I BC’d in July and haven’t looked back.

Whoops! (Also a very good song by Blues Traveler)

I did not post yesterday, not because I’m hiding, but I have not been able to find a good balance of my work life yet. It’s a mix of too much to do, not wanting to do it and not really wanting to go home. So I work late while watching some work inappropriate thing on my laptop during my busy week and rack up the overtime. But I did think of you, while trying to figure out why our AZ office was coding things to our MD office.

Food wise yesterday wasn’t too bad. I had coffee with too much creamer (peppermint mocha) and a high fiber honey wheat English muffin with peanut butter. Since I’m under the weather I had Pho for lunch, it fixed me for an hour, but when we got back to the office I was coughing up a stubborn lung. It’s still in there. Then plowed through a mountain of paperwork while listening to a book on tape (I use to mock this, but lordy be it’s nice to be read to). Then all of a sudden I was hungry again and it was 8. I went to Longhorn by my job because I know there is a container of peeled garlic, condiments galore and crystal light in my fridge; one of the pit falls of not hosting Thanksgiving is that you do not get leftovers. And I had what I call an Old Man meal, meat and brown liquor, 6oz medium rare sirloin and a Manhattan, with steamed veggies. I was so very tempted to get something so chocolate that would coat my mouth in love, but thought it best to head home.

Nothing too exciting happened, but tonight we are picking up our race packets and taking a look at the track for Saturday’s race. I’m getting excited and nervous, still coughing.



You Comment, I comment:

Thanks Doc and E Jane for the warm welcome back! I’m slowly getting my excitement back for being a better me. I think I’m going to put up little notes around my bathroom and room and desk at work so I have visual arguments against derailing. Any suggestions?

I got nothing

I got nothing to say for myself or my absence. I’m sure as no surprise to anyone that I have gain most of my weight loss weight back. I stopped doing the things that helped me reach my goals. I stopped blogging; I was hiding from the gain and the embarrassment of it. And what a shame, I was starting to feel like I had a little family here. But when I checked back in I saw my peers on a steady path to their goals and it made me feel like shit that I wasn't progressing with them. So I did what any sane person would do, I beat myself up about it and ate my feelings. How does one not lose weight this way?!?

My birthday is a week away (turning 30 for the third time) and the dress I had last year that I was almost in is back to its purchase fit. Sausage in casing doesn’t quite describe the look I have going in that dress and biscuit in a can (the kind that pop out of the roll-got the visual?) is a bit more accurate. So that goal will not be met this birthday. Heavy sigh. Anyway, a New Year is upon and I loathe making New Year’s resolutions, so I need to get on it now. A December Resolution! December’s a good month, it has my birthday, baby Jesus’ birthday and my name day oh and New Year’s Eve!

I don’t want you to think I’ve done nothing. I finished my last semester a community college and got accepted to George Mason University. And my friend, Céline and I have been working the C25K, but outside this time. It has been hard and the number of times I’m jazzed and excited to tackle each session has been outnumbered by the times I’ve dreaded them and cursed the run between breathes, but it feels good to complete a run. We’re running the Chocolate 5/15K in the National Harbor this Saturday. I look forward to running it with her. It’s one of the things we’re doing for my birthday.

I should have a December Resolution or two by the first, which means I have some things to do, like weigh myself, stop crying, resist the urge to medicate the knowledge of said number and the balls to accept that number and share it. I’m also taking recommendations for calorie counting/food journal sites. I’d like one with an app and with the capability to post daily journals here and hopefully I will soon be able to go back to LA Boxing. I miss feeling like a bad ass.