I am looking forward to surgery

Not because I’m immense pain and can’t keep anything down, like Doc (Still sorry about that, it sounded like one of my episodes that lasted forever). I’m looking forward to a week off. I am taking the full week off afterwards, I don’t care that the auditors are coming, I don’t care that someone has a question that has been answered in one of the reports or emails I sent out. I am done. I am going to stay home and see what’s going on with General Hospital and One Life to live. What 30 minute melodrama do they have in the 12:30 slot? I don’t know, but I will. This is what “over it” looks like. Don’t get me wrong, my boss is awesome; I even think his boss is awesome, but I do a lot and have been doing a lot. The only bummer is I can’t exercise, I asked 3 different ways and all I got is, you can walk around. Walking it is then! And school work.
Wow, I feel much better about after that rant. Thanks for listening.

Now on to the weight loss part of my weight loss blog:
I have discovered apples and I love them. Before I had a hard time getting the skin down, but with lots of chewing and a lot of water, I’m golden. Fuji’s rock my world, my father use to pick me up from school and I’d ride around with him for hours and he would always get me a granny smith from one of the many fruit stand in the city (NYC). It’s a fond memory of mine, riding around the city with my dad after school, but I am not fond of the granny smiths, lo siento papi.
Gym, what’s a gime? Yeah it’s been that long. My calendar got filled and my workday overloaded I haven’t been back all week. I hope to get in there on Friday. My eating has been okay, it could be better. I have not been journaling or portioning and those two things help. Seeing that I have 200 calories left will keep me at 200 for dinner, crazy as it sounds it works. There has been snacking and there is this:




I know I need to get back on track because that track is leading to a healthier me. I really want to shop on the other side of the store and on the other floors in the department store and not just near the underwear, you know that’s where they all put the plus size section and for crying out loud we never gave up on fashion. But the fashion rant is for another day when I attack crew neck knit tops and elastic pleated pant that is somehow ankle length no matter the person or season.

Last Post’s Comments:

Doc, I never mean to stay away long, but I like to have something to say besides “All work no play makes Stephanie go crazy” LOL

Lanie Painie, Love the name. You must be new, welcome. Your right I have to stop thinking that working out is a trip to the gym. Our toilets at work require 2 flushes regardless and I try to do squats or something while waiting for the toilet to refill. Good advice.

Pretty Pauline, long time reader first time commenter? Welcome. I like this idea of doing something before a meal and I like that these are some serious moves. Mountain climbers suck so much, but I would like to up my stamina on these.

Thanks for the comments ladies, they have lifted my spirits, I think they might help direct my car towards the gym after class tonight.

MIA

I feel like I've abondoned my journey. I am currently overwhelmed at work and at school, I feel like a blog of fat because I have not been to the gym in forever and even when I went I did not really do anything, i did not even break a sweat. *Sigh* So in short, overwhelmed, busy, feeling fat and kind of alone. But I do not despair, like my mama always said "this too shall pass", but it sure would be nice if it passed a bit faster and take some of these tasks with it.

Last week i did lose .5 pounds, but when I found out I would have the house to myself, I went crazy. If I get to the gym tonight i'll see just how crazy last week was.

What a past couple of days this has been.

I’ve had moments of just pure emotional eating. Last night was ugly, just ugly. I ate like a hobbit, I had second dinner. I really need to handle stress differently. While I love my current job is it much more demanding than my other ones. By this time in my other jobs I had streamline my duties almost to the point where with a few clicks of a mouse an hour long project was done in 10 minutes. And I had down time to look over notes and type notes. Yes I had typed notes. But this job I have more responsibility and while this is what I wanted I’m a bit stressed. Deadlines and midterms seem to convince my brain that I am in fact not full nor was my healthy lunch satisfying in the least.

Tomorrow’s game plan is to eat a lot…of veggies. I’m thinking massive salad with veggies in them, celery and whatever else I can find.. I’ll keep my mouth and belly full of good stuff and maybe that will help. I’ve come to far to let school be the fat (well fatter) of me. I want my work pants to be baggy again, I miss that feeling and I want it back.

Also I just had my prelim surgical phone interview. Shit just got real. I think it’s funny the closer I get to the date the more symptoms I’m having, that weird pain in my back has not been a favorite, neither has the gas, but given what I ate, that might just be the food talking.

Off to class, I will do some update blogs. I did workout and I did my weigh in on Sunday. I’ll give you a hint. I didn’t gain.

Yesterday, 1/28

I had nothing. I did nothing I ate a bit of junk.

But I was sad to learn that JewliaGoulia lost her mom this week. I lost my mom a few year ago and my heart breaks for her and her family.

Snow, a love hate relationship today

What a day, more like what a night. Work was fine, I had a to do list and a time frame and it was going well until, BAM!!!! Snow. Now I know what you’re thinking, snow, snowflakes pretty. NO! I work 6.7 miles from home, it took me 4, FOUR hours to get home. No bullshit.

I had my day planned by the hour. I nice long workout a shower, studying and sleeping, it was going to be full, productive and perfect. I left at 4 thinking I would go to the gym first, but the traffic was so bad I thought it best to head home. Now last night it was hard for me to not go to the gym, I passed by 2, but I knew I needed rest so I did and that’s why my day was going so well. I even got to work early! I was going to have a long workout and study. Cut to 3.5 hours later and I’m squatting in between my open passenger door and the back door taking the longest most public piss ever in my life.

I’m finally home and tired and sipping my whiskey. But I wanted to blog because I want a chocolate cupcake an I already had a whole pita pizza, boy was it good, but without the workout (I’m freaking out because this is the second day in a row) I’m over my calories, again! By 297 calories. That’s 20, 25 minutes on the elliptical. Tomorrow is most likely a snow day and I am doing some DVD for sure and studying. I might have a Stat quiz tomorrow.

I want to talk about this pita pizza I got going on. I just love it, it really hits the spot on you can put anything you want on it. I get the large whole wheat pita, pizza sauce and then the rest is up to you. And you know I put the squash and zucchini on it. I had the whole thing! But depending on what you put on it it’s around 500 calories and if you have half, like I should have, it’s even less. But do watch the sodium, which can be higher than I would like.

Last Post’s Comments:

Doc, I so very much hope the nausea goes away; I almost can’t wait to not have this dull ache all the time, who knew you didn’t always have to hurt? I also want to know how many I have, for some reason I’m stuck on how many. I’ve already asked and no, I cannot have them after. Boo I say, they are mine, I want them. But I understand. Lean Cuisine was on sale at Giant, it might still be, 5 for 10 bucks and I stocked up and I’m just trying all of them. Today I had the lemon pepper fish and it tasted better than it looks. The fish is crunchy and fools you into thinking you’re eating fried fish. The butternut squash ravioli is also really good.

Ms. H, you should totally get down on these veggies. It’s so easy to make a bunch and it keeps and can be transformed into so many things. If I can find some whole wheat orzo I’ll do a Greek thing with some of that fat free feta cheese that Trader Joe’s caries. Next time I’m going to throw an herb in there, maybe or sage.

Monday Update and today

So Last night was Monday night and I had time of it with the eating. And I was trying to get out of working out, so I blogged and got myself to the gym. Since I had so much unnecessary food I decided that I need an hour of cardio, but left before yoga because I had to do homework. Let the juggling begin.




I got to 500 quicker than usually and took a picture to mark the occasion.




I did 200 random crunches and 40 pushups and stretched. I’ve taken to bringing PJs to change into after I work out and I even picked up a pair of men’s slippers. I’m not fan of PJs in public, but it’s after 9, I’m covered up by my coat and I’m going home.

I also had a weight in 225.5! I feel like I should have a bigger loss than 1.5 pounds, but it’s a loss and maybe if I say I’m okay with slow and steady it will eventually be true.

Onto today. I’m tired and didn’t work out; I’m trying to get my body rested so I can be productive. I need to catch up on work and homework and maybe have dinner with an old college friend. Today was going well until lunch. My Lean Cuisine was the roasted garlic chicken with spinach.




It was okay, but soupy, it could have used some rice, brown rice. It was not a satisfying lunch and then Baja Fresh meeting leftovers happened. I’m a little over my calories, but I’m a little over 1200 so I’m not extremely upset, but I see what I did wrong and my water intake is low for today.

So for dinner I had more roasted zucchini and squash and a few slices of eggplant with some red pepper flakes. This is my new obsession; I’m reared to have this for lunch and dinner with some brown rice for a while. But I think I’m going to try roasting some green beans with lemon pepper and a ginger. That should be good. I’d like to have as low calorie, fat and sodium dinner because of the Lean Cuisines I have for dinner.

Comments:I have a hard time following the comments I leave on other blogs so I will respond to the lovely comments at the end of my entries.
Sarah aka Ms Cheeks: It’s funny how my sex life seems to have disappeared with the pounds. Sometimes I regret making the rule that I only sleep (make the beast with two backs) with my boyfriend since I don’t have one. If you write a book, I can write the introduction.

Doc: Yes I did hurt and I deserved it. Too many sweets, even though I’m dreading the surgery, I’m looking forward to not having that pain and I hope the nausea I sometimes have is linked to the stones because that’s just unpleasant.

I am disappointed and in a bit of a funk

So Friday I cracked while making the squash and had sunflower seed kernels and then movie theater popcorn at the movies. I thought I was getting back on track on Saturday, I went to Zumba with T and my upper inner thighs have never hurt like this before. It was a good work out and I was in there jumping around and the few times I looked at myself in the mirror (the instructor made me, I did a few times before and it was less than a pleasant experience for me) I looked better than I remembered. I’m sure cinchy on the compliments today. After the gym I meet up with a friend and had Pho with a serving size of noodles, I was disappointed and happy at the same time, portion control. We did a double feature of the lovely Ms Portman. I just had to see Black Swan again, so good and the second time around you catch some things you miss the first go around. “No Strings Attached” could have been worse. There’s just something about Ashton Kutcher that I don’t get and don’t like, it’s something in the maw area. And my jaded ass laughed at the “endearing “ and cheesy parts. I might just be mad at love because I don’t have it, but I know when I became full on jaded about love stories in movies “You complete me”, that’s when it happened for me. Anyway there was no snacking at the movies which was great, but we did stop at a stop at a little French bistro because it was about 7 degrees and we were by the water walking uphill. We split brie and spicy lamb sausages and we each had the onion soup, not the best watching my figure food, but so very comforting. And yes, there was bread, no butter. Io then sat in horrid traffic and went straight to bed.

I had random dreams about the boy I want and woke up all types of frustrated at that situation and but I didn’t eat my emotions, but I could have, instead I ran errands. I may have eaten some of my emotions for dinner, beef burgers (I did have to talk my sister in to making them a bit smaller, I got smaller buns on purpose) with homemade baked fries.

Now it’s Monday and I woke up late and unprepared for it because I was watching football on Sunday and not doing what I had to do. We had a birthday lunch from a BBQ place and I ended up canceling my order because it wouldn’t be healthy and after I got rid of the bad stuff I was left with a 9 dollar plate of lettuce and canned diced tomatoes, but I did have cake. It was ice cream cake and I think that’s where everything went downhill. It was blood in the water for me and I went into a feeding frenzy. My gallbladder is currently teaching me a lesson. Here’s why
-6 cookies made with splenda, I want to say justify this with how small they were, but once you eat 6, I mean, come on, that’s 6 fucking cookies!
-Handful of pretzel M&Ms and I have man hands
-fun size snickers and a Hersey kiss because it was there

The sad part is I was going to then skip the gym and have a hamburger for dinner. I decided I need to blog this out when I made that plan. It’s a horrible plan because I have to get back up now and not wait until later or in the morning. Because then I’ll have hours to slide further down this slippery slope. Now I have to face the scale (it is my weigh in day) with all the decisions I’ve made.

So I am off to the elliptical and no yoga, I have homework and reading I really need to do for class tomorrow and maybe I’ll feel like procrastinating with a follow up post.