Maybe I’m just tired

But I have been struggling through my workouts. It’s like the spark is gone, but I know I still want it. I feel like I’m fighting my body and mind on this sometimes. How do you deal with these emotional lulls? I’m going to start with a 10pm bedtime this evening.

I think my disappointments of not fitting into that goal dress for next week and missing 2 consecutive month end weight loss goals have gotten me down. Perhaps this is my plateau and my mind just wasn’t in the game. I gained some weight and am at 230.5 and it bothers me I can’t get in the 22X and stay there. If only life didn’t get in the way I think I would have been fine, but long weekends happen, parties happen and it’s all in how you deal with them.

I feel like I’ve lost sight of my goals, but I know what they are. I’ve done a great job thus far. My pile of clothes that are too big is steadily growing. I’m wearing my clothes from the last time I went down this road and they are baggy, so I know I’ve come further this time and the right way.
I will make smaller goals to keep myself motivated. I will wear the first goal dress at the next wedding and save the purple dress for my birthday, for which I hope to be in onesville meaning that dress should bloody well fit!.
Goal #1 is to be in the 22X by July 31, I will weigh myself on Saturday, which means a Saturday workout – it can be done! I think I can lose .6 pounds by then.

Catching up

I just got back from a long weekend away and apparently I was really fucking fat. I know I’ve lost weight because of the scale and the number on my jeans, but honestly, I don’t really see it. And I try really hard to see it, I bought a full length mirror to see it and I don’t really see it yet. I haven’t seen most of these people for a year and some not since March (which is when I got serious) and they were all impressed and happy for the weight I lost. It felt good and weird to hear “Wow, you really look great” I was happy it was noticeable, but since I still feel fat I couldn’t help but wonder if I was some obsessed woman rolling around the place last year. Do any of you feel that way?
I remember some years ago while shopping, seeing a pair of pants and thinking they would fit, they didn’t and I realized I don’t have a realistic body image. I don’t think I have a disorder, I just don’t have a sense of the space my body takes up. I’d be interested in a workshop where you have to pick your silhouettes out of a bunch of different ones.
Speaking of my long weekend away, I did well, like impressively well. I wanted to workout as soon as we arrived to loosen up my legs from the 4 hour car ride, but the party was underway and there were people to see and things to help with so we jumped right in and went out for dinner and I split an entrée and didn’t touch the bread. The next morning I woke up early and hit the gym and it felt really good to get it out of the way before anyone could try to talk me out of it. My travel mates were impressed or thought I was crazy. I decided to avoid the Trenton burger and just not eat the Pork Roll, something nice about not being swollen. On Sunday the gym which is also the office was locked and the gym rat in me made note of the LA Fitness we passed getting off the exit, so I borrowed a car and paid a large day pass fee – 15 bucks to do my first ever consecutive 10 minute run, TWICE!. Holy hell, who knew I could run for 10 minutes, not me that’s for sure. I finished up with some arms and forgot to stretch and took a nice long shower. I got back before those bumps on a log even knew I was gone.
I tried to eat light because I new I’d be drinking and I think it worked out well. Unfortunately I have yet to get back into the swing of things, not even a one a day for this girl, woke up late and had to do some car stuff for lunch and I will be working late tonight. I think I’ve eaten well, a salad with low sodium tuna with light ranch dressing, followed by some jelly belly’s, I had a hankering and I’m going to have a kasha meal and some veggies for dinner. I need something fast so I can unpack from my trip and pack my gym bag for tomorrow. I’m aiming for 2-a-days when I can to fit into this dress and to prove to myself that I can be active and to just see how far I can push my body because I’ve never pushed myself this way before and it feels good. Push it real good!

I need to calm down, but

So I’m spasing out a little bit about this dress situation. Granted when I first bought it I almost got stuck in it and couldn’t really get it on let alone zip it up. Now I can zip it up, almost to the top, just a little further, but I have some road blocks. I have my weaknesses and give into craving AND I have about 3 weeks. It is crunch time, do or die. One big challenge I have coming up is Falcon Foundation. For a few of us in addition to it being a weekend of good old fashion fund raising to kill cancer, it’s also a weekend of catching up with old new friends over a drink or two and the infamous Trenton Burger which contains pork roll. The last two years I have come home bloated from my sodium intake that just cannot happen this time. The good news is that there is rumored to be a full gym in the basement and I can just go to the grocery store to pick up dress friendly foods, like things that nature made, not things that ate nature. My base goal for the weekend is to run on Monday for my C25K training and to workout at least once a day while there and watch my food intake and hopefully I will at the very least maintain and not gain any weight. But it is on when I get back. I will reign it in on the weekends, treating them like any other day and doing two a days all the days I can, keeping my calorie intake between 1200 – 1400. I hope I can do at least one week of straight. I’m almost ashamed to post the schedule, but I will in my next post.

Today (Tuesday) was a good day

After a bad Monday, thank god! I woke up early and made it out of my house in time to go for a morning workout. Although I now realize I’m doing week 5 and I should be on week 6 – Oops! I think because I did a week 4 on Saturday after kickboxing. I’m easily confused when I workout. And for lunch I went to another kickboxing class with Mickey at LABoxing. I got there early and walked on the treadmill, seemed wrong to do nothing for some reason. Today was upper body and arms, UGH! This is the first time I’ve ever seen sweat drip off of my face onto the floor in a stream, eewww and awesome all at the same time. I was unsure of a few of his torture moves, but I tried them and was able to do some that I didn’t think I could do, so yay me! I’m still so use to thinking, “Oh, there’s no way I can do that, I’m too big” but I’m starting to at least try it first to confirm and I’ve been proving myself wrong. It feels nice to get my workouts out of the way so that my evenings are free. I plan to wash my gym clothes, I now sweat too much to reuse any of the layers I wear. But most likely I will work late and then go home grab something to eat and watch tv. But at least I have over 800 calories burned from running and kickboxing. I’m hesitant to use the full 1000 because I think that number is based on someone who is constantly moving and doing all of the exercises correctly, so I round down to 45 minutes of kickboxing. Also a plus, I am learning how to punch effectively.
Update: I ate a whole Kashi pizza to myself, I had enough calories burned to cover the overage so I should still have a loss for the day, but it’s way less then I would have had I just had a third of the pizza.

Cranking it up to 11

So I have a little under a month before I am to wear this gorgeous dress to make someone regretful and to have the revenge of doing better/well. And I still need that dress to zipper up another two inches and we have goal achieved. I’m a little afraid that it won’t so today I have started to crank it up. I almost woke up in time for another morning workout, but it was either be early to work or really late. So I looked at the gym schedule and noticed there are afternoon classes. Hello new lunch routine. I went to LA Boxing in Chantilly with Mickey, the Kickboxing instructor worked us good and the sweat was pouring off of me. He was very encouraging, although I’m still intimidated to step foot in there. Mickey was working out before class and if I could do one of his circuits I would be one happy fit camper. One day I too will do a pull up and in days following, maybe two of them. But I’m also combining that with my C25K training, just for the workout and the race I have in September.

ISO

I could really use a work out buddy; someone who is going through the same lifestyle change and exercise exploration as me. The blogs I read are all fine and good and motivating, but I want someone I can call or text as soon as I get off the scale. I use to have Jo-Jo, but I stopped working in MD and while we’re still great friends we don’t really “diet” and exercise together anymore. Besides she was small to begin with. I want a workout buddy that’s around my size with my goals. Can you put an ad out for that BBBW seeks similar to become SBBW….

A long overdue update

It has been a while and I don’t think much has happened. I missed my June weight loss goal by 2 pounds, but I have reached that goal today, I am 229. So, YAY!!!!!!!! I am now in the 220s. I have begun to incorporate morning workouts into my regime so get more calories lost per day. A perfect day would be burning 1000 calories with exercise, but keeping a decent calorie intake, between 1200 and 1400. I have exactly a month to get into that dress and I must say, I have made a lot of progress, like for pone, I can get the dress on and over my hips, but I have 2 inches of zipper that won’t zip. Worst comes to worst it will be worn at my good friends wedding later this year and I need to go out and get a new dress in a month. But I will try my damnest to get into that thing. Today I incorporated some weight training, I should ask one of the trainers, but I don’t know if they cost. I just did 2 rounds on the machines I understood and then did 50 squats with weights, 25 lunges; I really hate those things and 30 dead rows. I should be sore tomorrow, if I did that stuff right, I think I might dust off an ab dvd when I get home to get that going. I might be doing a little overkill, but I’m considering going to a kickboxing class this evening. That would be my 3rd gym visit today, but only my second cardio visit. Does that sound crazy? I know it would to my friend Koo, so I won’t tell her. Whatever, it’s time to step this up and the boxing gym unlike my regular gym (see I know that could come off crazy, 2 gyms, but crazy is over 2000 calories a day and not moving much all day) offers noon classes and I think I might do those while doing my C25K in the morning so I have just enough time to go home eat and pass out by 8.

In less crazier news I re did week 4 of the C25K and I was super proud when I completed Day 1 and scared when I completed Day 3 because the next running day was going to be Week 5. So far, not so bad, intervals of running 5 minutes and walking for 3, is totally doable. I remember running for 60 seconds thinking this was crazy. I notice that I sweat a lot more and can only get 1 use out of my outfits, like the whole outfit, nothing is salvageable. My outfits have changed as well. At the bottom of my work out tops are some drab 2xl men’s t-shirts. I don’t know if I’m ever going to put those back on, my current stuff has color and I like it.
Speaking of which, I came to the realization that I’m not sure of my clothing size anymore. I know I’m an xl or l in active wear depending on the item and its use. One sad thing is there was this outfit that I wanted to wear, but kind of forgot about and decided that the 4th of July shindig I was going to would be perfect, but no, I waited too long and the skirt just kind of hung there like a pink sheet and the top, well the top just made it look sad. Now I’d rather take the weight loss over the outfit, but what do I do with it now? AHAHA! Look for a clothing swap in my area! I’m so smart. I hope something comes of this, I have some cute items I’d like to see go to a good home and I hope to score some new items for myself.